Mak Lee

Just a Stranger Until I'm Back in Your Bed Wishing we weren't so tragic from the start that we had to go and find something better, only to get lost in the thought of one another and end up calling each other late at night, asking to come over. We stay up all night laughing all the pain and tears away that we end up wasting hella time kissing down each other's body only to forget that we're just friends. We have one hell of a time, but then once it's over, we go back to hating one another, and honestly, I don't mind it because we both know we're better off as friends with benefits, but only stay for the benefits. We keep pursuing one another in the crowd, only to lose sight of what we have once we touch. It's just you look so damn good in the neon lights that it's hard not to kiss you. The way you get stuck in my head hurts like hell, but the thought of you never leaving my head is kind of worth it. Knowing you had that much of an impact on my life t...

Accidentally Found My Way Back to You I know talking about you and the past is going to make me numb for the next few days, but honestly, I can't deny the fact that you've been on my mind, and I want to reach out to you to see how you've been and hope everything's been going well for you. But for some reason, I haven't had the balls to do it due to the fact that I know if I reach out, the flashbacks of the things that happened and said will start running in the back of my head, causing me to lose focus on everything I know. I just wish there was a better way of letting you know how much I've missed you these past few years, knowing all I do is dream of you and keep thinking about how things could be different if I didn't have to lie to myself about the things I felt towards you. I wish I could love you one more time, but the love I had for you ran its course, and there's no going back. I can replay the memories of us like a movie, but that's it. I wi...

I Don't Wanna Talk to You You don't even care about me or the things I do and say, so why the fuck do you bother playing nice and acting as if you care when we both know you're just seeing if I still want you back or not. You keep playing your fuck ass mind games every now and then with me to see if I'll cave in, and honestly, it's getting to the point where I'm wishing the worst for you. I was fine with just the small talk and letting the conversation die down after 2 minutes, just to never hear back from you, but then you went and made it seem like I was in the wrong for literally just responding to your text. Like, what the fuck did I do wrong that you had to go out of your way and shit on me for answering your question? It's like you want to cause a scene and make it all about you when in reality, I'm doing just fine without you.  I keep telling you time after time that there's nothing between you and I, and I wish you could just see me as a ghos...

Found an Angel Just to Give Her Hell I can't believe I gotta go out of my way and make this public when everything we knew and had was private and behind closed doors. I guess the thought of you being the one thing that's good for me has taken its toll, and I'm not sure how to feel or think about it. I do my best to let it be for what it is and let you do whatever it is you do, but when you're next to me, I can feel the tension rising like there's nothing better going on between the two of us. You claimed I was the only one to show you a side of me nobody's ever seen, and I'm not sure how to feel about it all, honestly. Like, did I lose myself when I looked at you, or was it just the shot of whisky talking when you came walking by, knowing I didn't need much but a quick reply? It happened all so quick that we started making out as if we'd done it all before, knowing we'd never met til that night. I wish I could go back to that night and figure ou...

180 On The Dash Had my fair share and time on the road, swimming, and squeezing through traffic to understand that most people really are just a waste of space and time. I'm not saying that what I was doing was right or wrong; I'm just saying that I was watching videos on swimming and squeezing through traffic, and it made me realize it really is just a skill and a mindset that you have to work up to. It's not something you just wake up doing, at least not for me. Yeah I was always good at cutting up in traffic but swimming and squeezing is a game all on it own and I've talked about me doing it the first time and how it felt but now it's just an automatic thing for me and I hate to say it but I no longer have to think about it just comes to me as if it's nothing.  I know that me doing it probably makes people hate me for how I drive, but honestly, if you do it the right way, then what more can they do other than just watch? It's honestly just a sight to see ...

It's Just Her Since it's clear to me that you still held on to the thought of me, even though I went my separate ways from you, I was wrong about you. I don't know why I thought you were just there for show and to kill some time, but I'm sorry. I thought you said you couldn't do the long-term thing, so I made it a temporary arrangement, thinking nothing of it. However, I guess being with me changed your mind, and I'm sorry for not sticking around to see that. I was just focused on my work and craft, that being next to you started to feel more like a job than a pleasure in my head. But it's my fault for not asking you what your thoughts were and how you felt about it all at the time. I guess I took it too literally when you said you just wanted something temporary and no strings attached at the time. I called you not too long ago to see how things were, and you started going off about how dare I do this and that when I thought everything was cool between us t...

The Further We Drown I swear it's like setting a moth to a flame every time we're next to one another. We keep eyeing one another up and down in a room full of people watching us to see who's going to end up making the first move, only to realize none of us are ready to let it out. So we stand there face to face, trying to figure one out, only to come to the realization there's nothing to figure out but the feeling of deep guilt, only to have it seem so unrecognizable. We laugh it off and continue to drink our drinks, hoping it would all just fade away. I pass you on my way out, hoping you'd stop me, but with every step I take, it feels like I have weights weighing me down, preventing me from moving. I push through, hoping I'll make it out without causing a scene, but you stop me in my path, and I get anxious with every word you let out, hoping it's nothing bout the past between you and me. I drowned so deep in the thought of you that it felt like nothing co...

To Love ‘Em & Leave ‘Em Not trying to sound like I know you and everything you're about, but it kind of seems like you're only in it for the pleasure and nothing more. You keep talking to me as if I'm nothing more than just a distraction from something bigger, and with that being said, it hurts knowing my part will always be short-lived. You keep talking to me as if we've known each other for years when in reality it's only been a few weeks and with that being said I know you're just playing mind games and toying with my feelings until you feel better about yourself and then when you finally do you'll end up dropping me and going back to finding someone new or someone from before to help satisfy your needs. I've seen it all before, so I'm not that clueless as to what you're doing. I had you figured out within the first few hours of hanging out with you, and figuring all that out, I knew you and I would never see eye to eye on anything.  I kep...

Just Forget About It Honestly, I thought there was something more to you that I wanted to have, but turns out there's really nothing that I need from you. I guess the thought of you finally died down, and now I'm starting to regret my decision of reaching out and wondering what you've been up to. I should've known it would have been the same shit as before. I figured I'd give it a go and see where you'd end up taking it, and turns out my predictions were correct. Sucks that I have to step away from you now, even though the steps I took to get you weren't that far. Just a little bit of this and that, and you were already texting back like you owed me a favor. Kind of impressed by the fake attitude and persona that you chose to have when we both know that shit won't last. You only choose to do it so you can squeeze your way into my life, knowing you being in my life would only make you spiral out because behind closed doors, we both know you can't mani...

I Lied... Hoping It Wouldn't Matter! Kind of in a weird place right now, when all I think about is you, and the thought of us should’ve never come to be! It’s hard knowing I had you, then lost you with the blink of an eye, and didn’t even realize it! I wanted to love you like I never loved anyone before, and you to be my safe space, but I guess you had other motives when it came to me! I’m not mad, just confused why you chose to do it to me when you could have just left me alone! You led me on to think I had a chance with you, only to shut me out completely without telling me the reason!  I tried my best to now wonder about the reasons behind it, but for some reason I kept waiting for an explanation, only to get nothing in return! I thought you loved me, but you only loved the thought of me and nothing more! You only needed me to get over your ex, and I guess it’s fine, but why’d it have to be out of all people?! You seem to have all the support you could ever want and need, and ye...

Lost Without You You said we'd always have forever to get it right and that things would fall into place, but every time you're close, all I think about is the pain and tears I caused you. You seem to be just fine being next to me, but I'm never fine being next to you, and it kills me knowing part of me hates myself for hurting you. I thought you'd love me for me, but then you went and changed your motives towards me and caused me to spiral out of control making me lose sight of what you mean to me. I knew what I was doing wasn't right, but I couldn't stop myself because the damage was already done, so I just kept making it worse, hoping you'd leave me alone and find someone better than me. But my plan backfired all at once when you came knocking at my door, telling me how sorry you were for leaving me. It was so unexpected that I thought it might have been a dream, but the dream was nothing more than the truth.  It hurt like hell knowing that you chose to s...

When You're Next to Me Don't take this the wrong way or anything, but you being next to me causes me to lose all knowledge of how to breathe and keep my cool. I'm either really nervous and don't know what to do when it comes to you, or I'm all in and know what I'm supposed to do every second when you're next to me. I can't decide if I'm going through the motions and feelings of thinking this could be something great, or if this is just going to break me before it even starts. I try my best to see the best in you, but my feelings get in the way, and then I see you for what you really are, and even that version still makes me crave your love, even though it can be toxic sometimes. I don't know, maybe the toxic love and the bad blood between you and me is what makes me happy. Because when it's just the two of us in a crowded room, there's so much tension to act like we don't know one another when we both know what we really want with one...

Sorry for Letting You Go Hey Lex, Sorry for leaving you out of the bleu with no explanation as to what was happening or what caused me to do it. In my head, I thought it would have been easier for you if you hadn't known about my whereabouts and my doings. It was the safest thing to do for your own well-being. I didn't want you to think it was your fault or that it had something to do with you. I was just too caught up in trying to figure out my life. I was torn between staying in town and keeping everything I've ever known, or moving somewhere where I'd have to make a name for myself and start all over again, and trying to make new friends/acquaintances. I felt like no matter how hard I tried to think of the new life I'd have if I moved to Florida, I kept thinking of all the people I'd miss, and you kept running in the back of my mind, knowing I still have things to say to and apologies that need to be let out.  I don't know, I just know me moving to Florid...

Finally Got Out Officially moved out of my first apartment into something bigger and better, and honestly, I have no regrets. I thought I would have been sad, but honestly, I feel happier and relieved now that I'm not having to deal with loud neighbors and hearing random banging at 5 o'clock in the morning!!! Like, holy fuck I don't know how I lasted that long in that building. Like, granted I got used to it, so the loudness became nothing more than just me zoning out every time trying to ignore it all. But last night in my new apartment, it was so quiet to the point where it felt like a dream. Going to sleep and not having any noises to be heard was so soothing. I don't know how to explain it. I felt like my body was at ease and safe. I didn't have to worry about anything, and my mind could finally rest for once. Everything go packed and unpacked, I'm still working on sorting out my clothes because honestly I didn't realize how many hoodies I had until it w...

I Just Need You Sometimes I get lost, but then I look at you and know exactly where I am and what it is I need! You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, even though we’re miles apart! But even with the distance, you still make me smile and laugh as if you and I were in the same room! It’s crazy how fast I fell for you when we first met, but I didn’t think too much of it! But somewhere down the line, you became the only person who makes sense to me!  Nothing ever made much sense to me til I started talking and being myself with you! I don’t know how to explain how much you mean to me! I just know if things go down the road, my friend wants me to take it’ll ruin what we have! I’m scared that I’ll lose my ability to be myself around you without the thought of you judging me! I feel like if I make the move, it’s gotta be right and not something just for laughs! It’s gotta make sense! I just hate the thought of making a mistake and losing you and everything I know when it comes...

You Never Saw the Pain Behind My Eyes Even though we danced under the midnight sky while the stars shined bright, you never got to see the pain behind the tears I held inside of me. You were right about most things, but the only thing you still didn't understand is how I could be so happy on the outside and treat someone so well, only to see another side of me when the lights go out. You asked if this is what I steer away from letting others see, and I said yes, only to let all the pain and hurt come out of me, knowing I had no way of controlling it once it got out. I tried to shut you out, but you leaned in closer and gave me the warmest hugs I've ever had. I couldn't help but hold on to you even tighter. You're the only one who's ever been there for me when I didn't know where to go or who to call, and I know I can never repay you, but if there was a way to give you everything you ever wanted, I would. Your smile lightens up my mood, knowing behind every smile...

You Had Every Right to Fade Away! Gotta keep it real and let this shit be over with. Tired of the back and forth, trying to figure out where you are and where we stand. You once held me tight when things went sideways, only to watch me from a distance, making me think it's all my fault now. It's just a shame you had to go and make shit a mess after we both decided to keep it clean and civil. But I guess you had a point to prove to someone somewhere because the shit I saw and heard didn't make sense as to why you had to go and switch up on me like that. Made me feel like I was in the wrong or did you wrong somewhere down the line, but nothing really rings a bell. So please make it make sense as to why you had to go and make it worse for me! The feelings I had for you never changed, but now that I know about the shit you just went and did, it's making me question who you really are and what your plan was all along. It's safe to say I didn't really love the real yo...

Mirrors Tend to Shatter Like a Beating Heart I bet you thought getting close to me would be heaven on earth, but instead it turned out to be a living hell for you. I never gave you permission to be close to me, and the way you go around thinking that being next to me is some sort of prize is wild. I only let you get next to me so I could learn everything there was to you and break you from the inside out. I let you do as you pleased, only to play mind games, making you think I was into you when, in reality, I was replicating a feeling that you had for me. I understood it once it started clicking to me why you chose to get so close to me. You wanted to learn from me and how I could be so cold yet so attached at the same time, and to be honest, I don't have an answer for you. Maybe it's from my past trauma or some shit. But whatever it is, you're lucky I limited myself to my actions. I just know the love you thought I was going to show you was going to be from the heart, but ...

I Don't Need the Closure! I never really cared about the whole idea of you and me, even though in the moment, that's all I thought I needed. But in reality, it was just a feeling that I was chasing, and you somehow made it a reality for me. You let me in just to watch me leave. You had the best of me just to turn me into something that I'm not. You wanted me all to yourself, but only when it benefited you. I was stuck in time trying to make things right, knowing the only right thing to do was to leave you be and find my way back home, knowing the ride back was going to be me crying all the pain away that you caused. You seemed to need me more than I needed you, but somewhere down the line, that all changed, and I can't help but bash myself thinking it's all my fault. But I could be wrong about it all. Maybe somewhere down the line of you and me, something did go wrong, and I was too blind to realize what had happened. I was so focused on the beauty that you held tha...

Maybe In Another Life Look, I get it, you probably hate me, but thinking I hate you is crazy. I can't really hate someone I once loved. I can only say goodbye and wish you the best as I do my own thing from a distance, hoping you find the things that make you happy in life. I could tell you that I tried to keep my head held high, but then I'd be lying. I had mixed feelings about the whole walking away and somehow making sure it wasn't a mistake on my part. But I just need to focus on some other things rather than thinking you and I are something more when deep down inside you hate me even though you proably never said that to me but your actions were louder than your words so it's kind of just a safe bet to know that you feel that way and I can't really change your mind about how you feel towards me. I can only accept it and forget about ever reaching out to you. I can't be bothered talking to someone who secretly hates my existence, even though you never said i...