Blog Post 515
Never Fully Recovered
Now we both know why you can’t stop seeing me, yet you act as if you do! You go around and come back as if you did nothing wrong, only to find yourself crying out loud as if I’ve got something to say or do when, in reality, there’s nothing I can do! You’re no longer a priority of mine, yet you act as if you are! I wish you’d get a grip and understand that there’s nothing between the two of us, nor will there ever be! You already killed me, and now you’re asking for forgiveness- knowing I have nothing left to say is beyond me!
So please stop coming back and acting as if things are good! I only told you that so you’d stop overthinking shit with me! It was never an actual guarantee about us being good! I just needed you out of the way so I could focus on myself and the things that needed to be done! You got your way, now let me get my way! I don’t care to ask for much, but what I do ask for, I’m going to need you to respect it and move out of the way when it’s asked! I don’t see you as I once saw you because you’re no longer the same person as when we first met, and I don’t expect you to be! But at the same time, don’t expect me to stay the same as when you met me! It doesn’t work like that! We both learned to grow and move around the obstacles that came our way! It’s really not that deep!
It’s just you make it out to be all because you saw that I was letting go of you and you wanted full control! Which is what didn’t sit well with me, and for you to act as if you didn’t is beyond men the signs were all there, yet you chose to ignore them! I’m not your property nor the one for you, so stop treating me as such; it’s mad weird! Just ignore me, or better yet, act as if I’m dead like you did once before! I feel like it was easier when you didn’t know about my existence or care to check up on me! I feel like that was the best time for me because that was the only time I didn’t feel like I had to owe someone something! I wish I could go back to that and be back at peace! But no, here you are running back to me as you finally understand me!
Sweetheart, the only thing you’ll ever understand from me is why I hate you and can no longer go out of my way to be seen fucking with you! You’re old news that no longer gets brought up! I hate you so much to the point where your presence makes me wanna vomit! You disgust me for the things you put me through, and now all of a sudden you think you have a free pass to come back, all because you gave it a few years of no contact?! You must’ve really lost your mind during that time because what the fuck do you think this is?! I hate you so badly that it’s so sad that you think of me still and want me to forgive you for fucking up my mental state! I can’t with this right now! I need you gone by this afternoon, and take whatever words you let out thinking they’d save you from your past self!