Blog Post 519
Just Wanna Run Away
Same old pain, same old people! Tired of the lies making me wish I didn’t have to play these stupid games with them! Trying to act as if it’s all sweet and nice when I don’t see the point of them being in my life! I just wanted to live a life so free that I don’t have to explain how I feel every time I’m out and about doing my own thing! Tired of people being in my way and thinking they can stay next to me as if I need them! Please just go away and let me run off into the void where I belong! This fucking chemistry that you think you’ll have with me will never see the light of day! I'm not sure if I even wanna bother with my own existence anymore! It’s almost as if my life is no longer mine to have! Everyone seems to have their place in my life, but I don’t know where my place is anymore in theirs!
It all just feels like one big lie, trying to convince myself that they’re my friends and family, but overall it feels like they’re just killing me slowly as time goes by! I hate the thought of it being that way, but honestly, if it’s what’s best for me, then maybe I should just cut my losses and let them die off so I can feel freer than ever and learn to live my life my way without others in my ears telling me what I can and can not do! I hate the control they have over me as if I can’t live my own life independently! I can’t believe I let it get this far when I’m all about being hyper-independent! Hate the fact that they’re still here looking my way, talking amongst themselves, probably asking what they should do with me!
Fuck if I know, maybe y'all should just let me live and mind your own god damn business?! Maybe we can start with that?! Or is that too hard for y'all?! I forgot y'all can only do simple tasks!! Fucking losers! Sorry not sorry! I don’t know, man; I’m just annoyed about this whole ass situation! Maybe I just need to go for a drive and figure it out myself! There’s no point in sitting here with these weirdos making me feel like I’m less than nothing! Fuck it, let’s go! Maybe when I come back they’ll all be gone, and I can be at peace again! I just know I’m not staying in this building with all these eyes on me! Just need a can of RedBull and some Peanut M&M's and a song of mine blasting through the speakers! I can’t understand why they’re constantly around me, knowing I don’t wanna talk to them! Like, what the fuck do y'all need from me?! Ugh!! I’m out!!
Driving through rush hour traffic, hyper-focused, squeezing through the gaps, thinking nothing of the sort! Just feeling a nice cool breeze out the windows, wondering how much longer I can keep this momentum going! I just know there’s gonna be a cop down the road, so I might as well just chill for a bit and listen to the music at ease! There’s nothing else behind me or in front of me, so just cruise a bit and see where this night takes me! If it’s around a tree, then so be it, but if it’s back home, then that’s cool too! I don’t care for either at this point! I just wanna feel the cool breeze and eat my m&m’s! I wish it didn’t have to be this way, but unfortunately this is how my life has been for the last 8 months, and honestly, at this point it’s just a daily routine, and I don’t know how to end the cycle… at least not yet, but soon enough I’ll figure it out! I’m high-key tired of seeing and talking with the same people, even though I know they have good intentions for me, but at the same time it gets to a point where I just need to be left alone and free to be myself and not what others want or need!