Blog Post 521

I Don't Care Enough to Visit

Too many times you've been calling my phone, trying to pick a fight, knowing I don't wanna be involved in it. You hate the fact that you no longer have access to me, or the thought of you no longer bothers me. You're dead to me, like all these other people around me. You thought you'd never become like those around me, but look where you're standing now. You're on the same side as them, wondering where you went wrong when it was pretty obvious as to why I put you there. You had your list, and I had mine; only mine showed me the way to peace, while yours had the names of all the other people you could get with, and that's what makes us different. You crave the attention of others while I avoid the chaos, finding peace in the solitude. You tried so hard to pick a fight with me, knowing I'd just kick back, asking if you're done making a fool out of yourself. I never had any sort of beef or issue with you. It's just that you assumed that I did, so you'd go out of your way to confront me about something that never even existed. I don't know, man, you were just doing too much while I was simply trying to not exist, and that's the issue. I don't care for the social life because I know that's your scene, so I let you have it while I did what I knew best, which was stay out of sight and go unnoticed until you saw me out and started running towards me as if we had something to talk about.

It was never really worth my time or of interest to me to see or hear from you after all the shitty things you did, but I played the part of trying to hear you out and see if you had changed, but it never came to that. You kept proving me wrong every time, so eventually I just got tired of you and erased you from my life. You were like a shadow following me around but never fully capable of approaching me because, in my head, you were basically dead, so whenever you got mentioned, I'd just ask who, or I don't remember because why would I want to remember someone toxic for my own well-being? Doesn't really make much sense to put myself in that position of trying to defend someone for treating me like shit just because they didn't have their shit together. I should've just blocked you from the jump, but I listened to my heart and gave you a chance to prove me wrong; but instead, you were giving me all the reasons as to why I should have left you in the past and forgotten about your existence. I hate myself for not doing it, but it's whatever because I hate you now, and that's just how it's gonna be from here on out, so I no longer have to put myself in sticky situations when it comes to you. You can go around talking shit about how I'm this and that, but it won't change how I think of you. I know you have some sort of feelings for me, but can you do me a favor and find it in you to just hate me so you can stop pretending like we need to stay in touch? It's so confusing for me how you play nice over the phone, but in reality you're shitting on me and everything I do, even though nothing that I do has anything to do with you. 

I stay in my own lane, minding my own business, but somehow you wanna swerve into my lane and act as if I owe you an apology!! You really don't have the right to talk shit about me, but at the end of the day you have the freedom of speech, so there's really no stopping you. I just hope one of these days it doesn't backfire on you. I know things get heated, but it's only because I don't care to lie on people who did me wrong, so whatever is told about you that makes you look like the bad guy, maybe do yourself a favor and change your ways so you can stop looking like the bad guy when others talk about you or at you. Can you start there, or is that too mathematical for you? I know you're not the brightest on the streets when it comes to doing math, but for the sake of others and their peace, can you find it in you to figure out how to stop being toxic around others who have nothing but love and want nothing but the best for you? Just for once, drop the act and find it in you to hear others out on the toxic shit you do! 

Fuck I'll go out of my way and pay for your therapy; just do something that doesn't involve you hurting others every time you open your mouth or when you see them. It can't be that hard for you, and if it is, god forbid you stop approaching me on the streets. I just feel like you need to check yourself before you go out calling people out when their business has nothing to do with you. You keep getting in the way of others that it's hard to even breathe around you, making me feel like I was suffocating just standing in the same room as you, even though you were on the other side of the building. You know how fucked up you gotta be for someone to feel suffocated when you're on the other side of the building? It's pretty fucked up, man. So do yourself a favor and just chill on some ice for a bit until you get it sorted out and don't think I'm bashing you or whatever I'm just simply trying to tell you that you need some sort of help if you're going to keep showing up in my life unannouced as if I have something to say to you because as of right now there's nothing to say to you other than what I already have. It's no brainer that you and I will never be on the same page, but can you try and act civil when around me at least? That's all I'm asking, and if it's too much to ask for, then just stop approaching me, coming my way, and definitely stop looking for me!