Blog Post 509

I'm Still Here Waiting for Your Call

I know there’s not much going on between the two of us right now, other than the part where I’m missing you, hoping I’ll find my way back to you! I get this feeling where I wanna be next to you, but at the same time, hearing your beating heart makes me feel like a piece of you is still with me! I can’t deny the things I feel for you when everything else has been left unread, making me wonder if the feelings were ever done or if they’re just dormant waiting for the right time to appear! 

Every goodbye we ever told led us back to one another, only to look down at the screen, seeing the three dots waiting to disappear! I wish holding on didn’t have to hurt this damn bad, but at the same time, the pain is all I’ve got left to lean on, knowing one day you’ll come around asking how I’ve been! I wish I could go back to calling you, but I guess my pride got in the way, and now we no longer see eye to eye, making me wanna go back to the days when we did! I know this pain will pass eventually, but for now I’ll continue to type away knowing there’s never going to be a reply from your end. So sit back in this lonely, silent night, wishing upon the stars for a brand new start when it comes to you!

I could say I’m done, but I know I don’t actually mean it because when I close my eyes, it’s you I see, and it brings me back to life as if nothing else even matters! I wish it could just be you and me in the end, but somehow the paths lead us in different directions, making us feel like it was never meant to be! But I didn’t care to accept that, so I went and traced my steps, thinking back to where we first met, hoping I’d find some sort of clue as to where you went! I pulled out the last known text you sent to see if there were any clues as to what was done and said! Only to find out you had a better way of handling it than I ever did! So I followed the stars guiding me back to you, hoping you’d be there when I got there!

I guess I should’ve deleted that chat by now, but instead I scrolled back up to the part where you called me yours only to vanish in thin air, making me wonder what it all meant! I thought everything was going well, only to find out your feelings were fading away after you cried out my name, calling for my return! I never knew how bad it was until I found you on the ledge waiting to end it all! I ran to you thinking I could save you, only to find myself in the deep end, drowning from the fear of losing you entirely! I never meant to cause you pain, but if it meant saving you from it, then I’d do anything to make it go away. All you had to do was call me, and I would’ve found a way to make it go away! 

But you chose to let it consume your body, making me feel like I didn’t have any chance of saving you! I never felt so afraid and lonely until that night came! I remember being in shock, seeing you holding on as if you were gonna lose your grip! I called out for your love, not knowing if I’d live or die in the end! But it didn’t matter because your life was worth more than mine, so I pushed myself to the edge instead and hoped you’d make it in the end! Not knowing what would happen next! I wish I could have told you everything prior to your absence, but I didn’t know where to start, and that’s my fault because I know I should’ve just been open from the jump! But instead, I closed you out, thinking it was for the best!