Mak

I Hate to Say It...But I'm Unsure About It All You called me up late at night, asking me if I could come and see you, thinking nothing of it, hoping I'd say yes, but the reality is that the call was never meant to happen. You only reached out to see if I was still alive, and when I picked up, I could hear the heavy breathing on the other side as if there was more to the call than you let on. So I asked what it was you wanted, only to hear back nothing. I hung up the call, only to hear a knock at my door, asking who it was, only to find out it was you. You asked me if you could come in, knowing I had no idea how you even got to me. You seemed so scared as if you had just seen a ghost. I asked if you were okay, and you just looked at me as if you didn't know who I was. It was so unclear as to what was happening, but I knew you being here in front of me could only mean one thing, and unfortunately, I still didn't have an answer for you. I'm sorry for making you drive o...

Do You Regret Losing Sight of Me If I’m speaking from the heart, then I just need you to know that everything I ever said and did was all for you, and because of that, the love I have for you will always be the same and remain once I’m gone! I wish you could understand me for who I really am and not the one they tell you of! I tried my best to make you understand, but you kept saying I wasn’t who I was! I did all I could to leave myself out of the mix, but you dragged me in just to watch me fall! You had me from the jump just to watch me go! I never meant to make you hate me! I just wanted you to see the better side of me! But your friends and peers said otherwise! You never really took the time to sit back and listen; all you did was just accept it and carry on! You never second-guessed their misjudgment, only to find out from me that it was never really true, which led you to be confused! So please tell me what more you needed me to do other than make you think everything was all a l...

I'm Giving Up On Trying to Make You Happy Hey, don’t mind me, I’m just trying to get these feelings out before they consume me! I know you no longer mean anything to me, but at some point, you kind of meant something to me! I know I never really told you what it was you meant to me, but I’m sorta glad because it’s clear you never really cared about me. You really were just trying to be in my life so you could fuck, but since I kept pushing you out and stopping you from even getting a foot in the door, you clearly became agitated and decided to circle back and do some fuck shit once again!  It’s so weird to me how you operate when you could’ve just found someone else to fuck like I’ve been telling you to, so you could forget about me and just calm your nerves down, but nope, you ended up just getting all pissy and whatnot, making a scene knowing that drama shit ain’t really for my taste! So by all means, you do you, drama queen, and lose sight of me completely because I can’t keep d...

Hey Megan, Sorry For Making You See a Different Side of Me I know this is just me going out of my way to make it up to you, but somehow you came up on the list, making me feel that something was missing between the two of us. I tried my best to leave the thought of it alone and carry on as if everything was fine but then you went and started throwing punches my way making me watch you become someone else and at the time I didn’t understand it all but now that I’m older I understand that it was your way of fighting to keep me in your life even though the punches made it seem like it was a threat. I never minded the abuse because I’ve dealt with it all my life, so I thought it was normal, only to realize, in my adulthood, that the abuse you gave me should’ve never happened, and do I forgive you for the pain you caused? Yes, I do, but I can’t shake the thought of it, and that's what hurts the most. Knowing that our friendship was based on abuse, and us fighting with one another, think...

Hey Annsley, Sorry For Not Telling You Sooner If you’re wondering where I went and what all happened, then you’ve come to the right post when it comes to me and the thought of you. I know my presence didn’t really seem to make much of an impact because I was never trying to force my way into your life. I was hoping that the things I was doing on the sidelines would make you think of me and maybe start a conversation, but instead, I made the first move because I got tired of waiting to call you mine. I guess you could blame that sort of thing on my adhd for being so impulsive and whatnot. I didn’t know what I was signing myself up for when it came to approaching you. I just knew the feelings that I had were telling me to make a move and see what happens. I wanted to be right about the feeling I had that maybe you might have felt the same, but turns out they were opposite. I learned to just watch and care from a distance so none of us would feel the heartbreak. I wanted to make us work a...

Hey Shizzle, If You're Still Out There, Just Give Me a Call I probably don't have a reason to wonder or ask about your doings, knowing it was my decision to let you go, and forgetting all the things we've been through since August 14th 2006. I know I probably outgrew the drama and the games that you came with, so that's probably why I put so much distance between you and me, and it was probably the worst decision I ever made. It's not like you to not find your way back to me but since that call about you needing money once again something in me sparked a flame and I decided to cut all ties leading up to you and it was a pretty rash decision and I know I'll never fully recover from that but I just gotta ask you if it was really worth the time and trouble reaching out to me begging for favor knowing that favor would lead into an over dose? I knew the reasoning behind every call we've ever had since the day you found my house number in a phone book, asking if w...

Hey Lexie, If You're Reading This, Just Know You're Still the Only One on My Mind I wish there were an easier way to let you see the other side of me without worrying about hurting you. So I’m begging you to just let me do what’s best for me until I feel ready enough to face the sound of your voice, knowing it’ll be the only thing keeping me alive from the guilt and pain that I’ve ever had to endure. I’m stuck between the thought of letting go and making you see the better side of me, even though I’m no longer sure if that side of me even exists after everything that’s been happening these past few months. I thought I wanted something real, only to find myself running from the truth and acting as if none of it existed. I started finding myself back to you as if I belong, but I’m somehow getting stuck halfway down the middle, thinking about all the pain and suffering I’ve caused because I wasn’t true to myself when it came to you. I hated the feeling of knowing I let you down an...

Hey Camryn, If You're Reading This,  I'm Truly Sorry for Everything That Happened Between Us Two I know this might not mean anything or end up going anywhere, but I’m sitting here in the dark thinking about how everything I’ve ever known and felt towards anything was all because of you, and before you stop me, I just gotta say it’s been a pleasure knowing you and thanks for helping me understand the things I felt at the time were valid! I know we had our ups and downs and eventually went our separate ways after I got it all figured out, and I’m sorry for not understanding the reasons for your absence, knowing one day I would understand it all, and I think that day has come! I wish I could tell you everything that’s been on my mind since we went our separate ways and the feelings that I felt when you left, but I know it would just make things complicated, so I’ll keep quiet and let you talk about yourself and the things you’ve done and achieved. I see the look in your eyes that ...

I Miss You, But I'll Never Admit It! I wish I could explain it to you face-to-face in the front seat of your car, but ever since we’ve gone our separate ways, it’s been hard for me to let go of all these thoughts I have towards you, and even though things ended on mutual respect and agreement, part of me still wants you next to me! I know how stupid I must sound wanting someone next to me, knowing I wasn’t a good match for them! Maybe I’m just sad about the situation that we had, and now things feel so empty, and I’m trying my best to keep it together, but at the same time, it’s not working for me! I could say I want you back all day long, but I know deep down inside you being next to me is no longer a good idea! I’ve changed, you’ve changed, and the world keeps on spinning! I know the ins and outs of everything you do and say to the point where I don’t even have to ask you anything! It’s crazy how much time I spent learning you only to watch you fade into the background as if you ...

I Can't Decide If I'm Over You or Not I think I can go ahead and move on from the thought of you and all our doings since you haven’t made an effort to reach out or call to make sure things were good between us two. I take it you found something better or someone else to take your mind off of me and your pain, which is great since I’m no longer considered the cause of it. I hope you know it was never personal between you and me. I just felt as if I needed to get away for a bit and learn from my own mistakes, and I couldn’t do that if I was just going to be making them while learning from them. I apologize if my break and distance made you feel some type of way, it was never to make you feel like I didn’t care or love you. I just felt it was necessary to correct my flaws that were showing, and trying to work on fixing them behind closed doors. I felt as if I stayed with you, then things would have just been more complicated than what they really were.  You were right about me hi...

You Wanted My Last Name, But All I Was Capable of Giving You Was Pain! I know you’re gonna hate this, but it’s too bad because I've been hating on you and everything we became after the fights spiraled out of our control. You ended up saying and doing some shit you weren’t proud of, only to put the blame all on me, which is fine because at the time I understood your reasoning for it, and I wasn’t trying to argue back and forth on it. I just wanted you to express yourself, knowing that the ones around you never gave you the time of day to do it, so I gave you every chance to do so, only to find out the love you wanted and needed wasn’t going to be with me, and I mean that with the most respect possible. I just knew what you needed wasn’t going to be from someone like me. I didn’t see the point in trying to put myself in a position I’m not suited for; it’s like asking me to be someone I’m not. Every time I try to be someone I’m not for someone else, it always goes to shit. So I had t...

Wondering What Heaven's Like For You Without Me There I never really open up about the people I’ve lost in my life, but seeing the memories play back of you reminded me of how much you really meant to me, even though we’d go head-to-head on certain things that never made much sense at the time! I wish I could have been more open about what I felt and more honest about what went on behind closed doors in my life, but I chose to hide it all away so you wouldn’t get angry or feel the same pain I did while going through it! I wanted you to think I was fine and well, but deep down inside, I was going through hell and back trying to keep a smile on my face, knowing if I didn’t have one, then you’d go through hell and back finding out what caused the sadness that I held in my eyes.  I know I keep most of the battles I go through out of sight, but the pain still makes its presence in the eyes of those that are closest to me, and sometimes it gets to a point where me being alive just makes ...

Stuck in Time Thinking About What We Had I know how this might go down because I’ve seen it all before, and that’s my reasoning for not taking a chance on you. The streets know my name and the lights hold the flame of no return so why do I have to keep traveling down this road thinking that at the end of the road I’ll be able to call you mine when in reality somewhere down the road I’ll stop and ask myself if you’re really worth the time and effort only to back out and tell myself you’re not her. It’s nothing really against you or the things you did. I can’t get over my first love, and I know I should be capable of letting go of something so traumatizing to my life and well-being, but I let it linger and come to terms with the love I give and hold will only ever be good enough for her and only her. I can’t defend my needs or wants when it comes to the things I do and say without coming out as an ass, and that’s why I choose to stay in the dark and avoid the chaos that people desperatel...