Blog Post 469
Do You Regret Losing Sight of Me
If I’m speaking from the heart, then I just need you to know that everything I ever said and did was all for you, and because of that, the love I have for you will always be the same and remain once I’m gone! I wish you could understand me for who I really am and not the one they tell you of! I tried my best to make you understand, but you kept saying I wasn’t who I was! I did all I could to leave myself out of the mix, but you dragged me in just to watch me fall! You had me from the jump just to watch me go! I never meant to make you hate me! I just wanted you to see the better side of me! But your friends and peers said otherwise! You never really took the time to sit back and listen; all you did was just accept it and carry on! You never second-guessed their misjudgment, only to find out from me that it was never really true, which led you to be confused! So please tell me what more you needed me to do other than make you think everything was all a lie!
You had all the time to come and save me from the deep end, but you stayed silent and watched me drown til nothing was heard of me! You carried on as if everything we knew was no more, and it hurt like hell trying to find the person I once knew! You made it so hard to look your way, knowing if I had, then I'd just been wasting my time! So I left you to find myself and fade away into the darkness of the void! You tried to reach out, but the timing was too late! You had a drink or two and thought of me, only to start shedding tears, and I had watched from afar, knowing there was nothing more that I could do! I did all I could to make you see a different side of me, but as I said before, you never did anything to save me from the pain of others! So I made you watch as I drowned, hoping it would spark a sense of care when it came to me! Your words and actions made me realize that letting go was the only way to make you feel the way that I once felt when you came my way! It was never about getting back or making myself hate you! I just wanted you to feel the way that I felt, and if I overstepped, then I apologize!
I wanted to be there for you, but the place where I once laughed no longer brought the joy I once felt! It’s all just a shame of trying to let go of the things that made us happy! I enjoyed you being by my side, even though at one point I ran away and hid from the thought of being something you never needed! You had the best of me, only to bury that version deep down underground! I tried so hard to keep my head held high, but a frown just appeared every time you came near! I couldn’t help but ask why you had to go and do the things you did, knowing the love we had was real and true! I never thought of you as someone who would go out and hurt me, but I guess you proved me wrong! I thought keeping you by my side would be the best decision, but turns out all it did was keep me from being free and honest about what I truly wanted! I never felt more sorry for myself until I met someone like you! I stayed quiet and let you take the wheel only to find out you’d steer us into the gates of hell!
I guess the love we had was just a test we failed! I never thought I’d be failing a test on love when loving someone is all I’m ever good at! So tell me where we went wrong and figure out what we could’ve done differently! You truly are the one I see myself with, but the way you treated me makes me think you never truly cared about me! It’s like a constant war between us two, making me think one thing, but my actions do another thing, and I just wish they’d all match up with one another. I know you might not see the point in me fighting for you and letting you have your time and space away from me, but I guess that’s what love does to someone who truly cares for someone! I didn’t plan to make you feel unseen or unheard! I just wanted to watch you smile and make you happy! But I guess the love I gave wasn’t enough to keep you happy, and I apologize for that! I don’t know where I went wrong or how it came down to all of this, but I just need you to know that if you ever come my way, don’t be afraid to ask about how I’ve been! It's just crazy how even though every night I close my eyes I'd see your face, hoping that one day I'll find a map leading back to you and doing what we do best, but as one. I never knew running away from my feelings would make me lose sight of what was best for me at the time. I feel so sorry for ever making you go through all of that, knowing that all I had to do was just open up to you, but instead I stayed quiet like a fool.