Mak ￴￴Tulegenovich

Tried to Love Somebody New, But They Only Lead Me Back to You! We both know that broken hearts don't heal as fast as time moves on, but somehow we're going in circles, looking out for one another, trying our best not to let go of something so pure yet so toxic to our lives. I wish I could explain to you what the thought of losing you makes me feel when the words can't even fit on paper. It's so annoying that I can go into my notes and type it all out to clear it from my system, as if it doesn't hurt, but when it's done, all I do is cry and remove myself from your view. I wish I could go back and delete all the pain I caused and let you be free as you once were. But somewhere down the line, I erased every good in me and left the bad out in the light, making you see a different side of me as if there was nothing left to do with me other than have you let go of me and find someone else to love you better than I ever could. I know it wasn't the best decision on ...

You Were Once My Favorite Memory Even when the world spins around doing its dirty little dance around the universe, it’s you who brings me back to life, making me believe in something worth living for! I can do no wrong and say no wrong when all my answers lead back to you, even when I’m stuck in a dream looking for a way out! All the signs lead back to you as your soft touch reminds me of the memories we once shared! I can’t lie or hide when the thought of you becomes a part of me as if I owe you something in return, not knowing when I’ll get a chance to see you again! The distance is just a barrier that we gotta break through, knowing it’s nothing new to us when it’s been done once before, as if I haven’t been missing you this whole time! So tell me how it’s okay for me to live a life without you next to me, knowing that your love is all I crave! You put all the love we once had on a shelf, making me wonder if that love will ever see the light again, trying to figure out if this pain...

Moving Differently I don't care to say too much because the pain is better off as a friend than a foe. You don't need to bother coming for me when I'm exactly where I wanna be. Don't bother asking for me because they'll tell you to let go of me, knowing it's what's best for you. I don't care to trust you in the slightest, so let the memories of me go and move on with your life, knowing this is how it's gotta be. We don't care for sympathy when the feelings don't exist anymore. We can give you advice, but we already know you won't care to listen to it, so we push you into the fast life, seeing if you can keep up, only to lose sight of you in the rear-view mirror going 123 in the GT3. The city lights keep calling out for me, knowing this is where I belong, only to get trapped in the thought of what you and I could've had. But I choose to ignore it every time and grab the cash from the safe and catch a red eye flght to Florida, knowing i...

If It No Longer Makes Sense, Then Oh Well Say, I've been out the way, and you've been calling out my name, hoping one day I'll come around, but the truth is, the money is calling my name too loud that everything else has been fading out. There's no room for mistakes or flexing when I know how quickly I can lose all this shit. I need some time to get this cash and call it a night. I know I'll come back to you, but I'm not sure when that time will be, when the money keeps calling for me.  You said you'd wait, but I'm afraid there's not enough time in the universe to give to you, by the looks of it. I can go all day without a call or text, only to realize the money is next up, and that's all I got left to understand. You might call it being selfish, but the truth is, love has never been a priority of mine, so I stick to paper chasing, hoping I find my happiness speeding through the night, going 180 down the interstate.  I only ever needed one or two...

I Will Be There... I wish I could reach out and talk to you about every thing that's been going and how I feel towards you but I know that's no longer my place and as much as I try to avoid your socials part of me wants to show you how much I care about you but then again you told a friend of mine that you didn't want anything to do with me and ever since then I remained silent and out the way after hearing that. You didn't really make me feel anything, but at the same time, I wondered what I did that was so bad to make you say that. I tried to go back on the things that happened between us, but I came out empty-handed, so I made the conclusion that we weren't compatible with one another, and I didn't bother asking why, because there was no need. It would have only done more harm to me, and mentally, I wasn't trying to go through that again. So I dropped the thought of you and erased you from my life, only to find out that something kept pulling me towards y...

You Could Never Love Me It's crazy how you acted the part all too well just for me to cut ties with you completely. You thought you'd have me no matter what went on, but the truth is, I was just waiting for the right time to find a way out, and after the phone call had ended, I knew it was time to let go and move on from the thought of ever knowing you. You might have had questions for me as to where you had gone wrong, but as a grown adult, you should have known better, and it's not my job to correct other people's mistakes. I can only react and do what's best for me. You chose to do what you thought was best, but at the same time, it wasn't what was best for me, so I chose to walk away and call it the end. There was no need to go back and forth on the subject or doings because you already told me where you stood in life and what side you were on, and to me it was a clear sign that my time had come and I had to walk away from you and all the things I thought I ...

Finally Free From You Not sure where to even begin, but I know this is where it ends, and I'm okay with that. You and I both know the facts about what's been going on and why I can no longer stay or bother making my existence known when everything is finally put back to where it once was, and every broken piece has been found and put back together. You might find me looking up into the midnight sky with tears coming down my face, asking why I'm crying, but the truth is, I never thought the day of being set free from all the trauma and fears would ever come my way. So I apologize if I stop reaching out and giving updates on everything but most of the things I was going through was because I was holding on to people who didn't deserve to know me and now that I have nobody to call a friend or foe it's alot more peaceful and everything just feels so right that there's no need for the tears or fears to linger around. You once said that nobody could ever love me and I...

Encore I know this might not seem logical, but I just gotta ask: if we restart the process, do the feelings stay, or will they fade away again?! These butterflies got me wondering if I should stay or go, but then you reach out and tell me to do what’s best, but the only thing on my mind is sleeping all the pain away and forgetting all about the past! You say it’s going to be okay, and this was just a misunderstanding, but why does it hurt so bad knowing it was never supposed to go down like this? You claimed this was what you needed, but you go out and show out for some other guy, making me feel lost as if it was something I said and did! You got me standing here second-guessing all my doings as if none of the things I did mattered or made sense! It felt like a waste of time the whole time we were together, having me think this would last, only to come to find out it was just a game to you! You wanted to get close to me, only to step back and find out you couldn’t get inside my head, a...

I Used to Think About You I can tell this is the last chapter of you and me because the thought of you no longer lingers around, making me wonder about your doings and how you're doing. I know I should be keeping all the things I used to think about when it comes to you to myself, but what's the point when, after tonight, your existence will no longer be part of my daily life or doings. You said you'd always be there for me, but the only times you ever cared to show up was when I was talking to someone new, making sure they weren't treating me in a way you didn't like, and I appreciated that, but it's time to just let me be free and let me do what I need to feel happy and free.  I've been feeling trapped these few months, wondering if I'll ever escape the life we had with each other but it's come to my attention that the life we had was never fully mine to have, so I let go of all things I knew with you and let myself drown in the deep end, hoping fo...

Breaking All the Rules Just to Be with You When the lights go out and the music starts, do you come alive, or do you get taken back to all the times you had to fight to stay alive, knowing there was no one coming to save you?! You wander off onto the city streets late at night, searching for a soul to keep you company, only to find yourself trapped in your own thoughts, having you lose sight of what’s really going on! Blaming yourself when it should have been those that did the damage, but you don’t care to pay them any mind and think it’s best to keep going without the confrontation, but the pain gets to you so you go out searching for the cause of why it had to happen, only to realize they never really cared about you that’s why they hurt you in the process! The pain in your eyes was deeper than you let on, so you came running my way knowing I’d be the only one to fully understand because you know I’ve been where you are now, and it hurts watching you be in the same position as I was...

Needed Some Time We both know I can’t hide these feelings that I have for you, and this distance isn’t making it any better, so tell me what it’s gonna be. We got off to a great start, but the thought of losing you breaks me into two, making me wonder what’s next to come and if the pain that comes with it is worth my time. I know the pain will fuck me up eventually, but if there’s no pain then there’s no gain, according to those around me, but why's it always gotta be pain that makes us grow and learn?! Why can’t it just be a mutual respect for one another and calling it for what it is?! They got me pressed against the wall with no way out, only for me to look out into the distance; seeing tears come falling from your eyes makes me lose all sense of hope, knowing this isn’t how I wanted things to go! So tell me why it had to come to all of this?! Was the love we had not strong enough, or were the voices in our heads sabotaging the love we had for one another just so things didn’t s...

I'm Not a Busybody, So Please Don't Touch My Body! The fact that you think you can come my way, thinking you'll have full access to me when I barely even have access to my own doings, is insane. You claim to have been watching me, which is a crazy thing to say when I've never even seen you before. So what the fuck do you even mean by that, because I stay out of the way and out of sight. So please don't tell me you've been stalking me, thinking this was the best you got for trying to get to know me when I only let the ones I have an interest in, and not the ones who seek interest in me. So please get to the point of what you want, and I can go back to acting as if we've never met before. This whole night is such a waste of time that I'm already planning my exit plan. So please save the tears and small talk for someone who actually cares. You claimed to have been watching me, knowing I don't care for others' attention, so whatever you planned to ge...

Can We Go Ahead & Kiss I've been having you on my mind, making me wonder if these thoughts about you and me are wrong, or if it's cool to have? You keep talking to me as if we've been at it for years when it's only been a few days, making me think you and I could be the endgame, only to pull back, making me ask what this even is. I keep telling myself it's fine and chill, only to not feel so fine and chill about it sometimes. You get me in a zone I can't escape, making me feel as if this is what I've been needing these past few weeks. I wanna keep it going, but I know you have things to do and so do I, so I'll just call you later hoping that you'll pick up and we can talk about the things we never got to say over text. Yeah, our past may be fucked, but the future looks bright and fun, so let's just chill for a bit and take it slow and see how well we do. You got me fiening for you like a drug I can't get enough of, making me lose all sens...