Blog Post 497
Breaking All the Rules Just to Be with You
When the lights go out and the music starts, do you come alive, or do you get taken back to all the times you had to fight to stay alive, knowing there was no one coming to save you?! You wander off onto the city streets late at night, searching for a soul to keep you company, only to find yourself trapped in your own thoughts, having you lose sight of what’s really going on! Blaming yourself when it should have been those that did the damage, but you don’t care to pay them any mind and think it’s best to keep going without the confrontation, but the pain gets to you so you go out searching for the cause of why it had to happen, only to realize they never really cared about you that’s why they hurt you in the process!
The pain in your eyes was deeper than you let on, so you came running my way knowing I’d be the only one to fully understand because you know I’ve been where you are now, and it hurts watching you be in the same position as I was once in! You found me in the void knowing there’s no way out, but you didn’t seem to mind, so you sat there waiting for my return, thinking that what you were doing was better than letting the pain consume you. But when I approached, you didn’t recognize me, and I didn’t expect you to because the tears and blood caused a shift in my life to where those who were closest to me are just a thing in the past! I have no recollection of who or what they are to me?! The pain damaged my memory, causing me to forget about everything that’s ever happened to me! But seeing you brought a wave of flashbacks, making me feel uneasy, and suddenly I’m falling back into the depths of hell, trying to figure out the cause of your presence, knowing we’re not supposed to see one another in this universe!
The signs were all there, but you chose to go against the tides, thinking that me seeing you would turn back time, but instead all it did was drift us further apart, and memories got lost further into the void of no return, making me wonder who I even am or what this place even really is!! It feels as if nothing here is really real and it’s all just a dream. The vibrations between you and I seem off, and I hate that I can feel all of it! You should’ve left me out of it because now you’re wondering what to do when the only thing you had to do was just call, but instead you showed up uninvited, overstepping boundaries, thinking I’d take you back when there’s nothing left of me that you would ever love or need! So please get out before it’s too late, and you ruin the peace I’ve created for myself! This isn’t how I wanted things to go between us two, but I know everything comes together in due time; this timing just feels forced, and I’m not trying to force my way back into someone else’s life when I know they’ll just end up killing me in the process!
Even though my love was pure and true, the feelings have since died out, and I’m afraid the love you crave with me is no longer something you can have or will ever see! The love I give off is no longer mine to hold, and it only comes out when I need something worth having. You don’t deserve to be treated in such a way, so leave me be because I promise you you’ll end up crying yourself to sleep, and I’m not going to be the one to comfort you when you do! The love you seek is on the other end and not in me! You believed you could once love me for me, but how can that be when I no longer know who I am and what it is I really want! The love you might hold could save me, but it’ll only destroy you in the end because I’ll never fully believe that I’m deserving of the love you give out or anyone else in that matter! I can only dream of a love so pure and true, but in reality it’ll never find me the same way it found you! I’d rather be loved by someone who understands my mind and not just out to use me, and unfortunately, knowing how you are, you’ll never be that person to me!