Blog Post 504

Moving Differently

I don't care to say too much because the pain is better off as a friend than a foe. You don't need to bother coming for me when I'm exactly where I wanna be. Don't bother asking for me because they'll tell you to let go of me, knowing it's what's best for you. I don't care to trust you in the slightest, so let the memories of me go and move on with your life, knowing this is how it's gotta be. We don't care for sympathy when the feelings don't exist anymore. We can give you advice, but we already know you won't care to listen to it, so we push you into the fast life, seeing if you can keep up, only to lose sight of you in the rear-view mirror going 123 in the GT3.

The city lights keep calling out for me, knowing this is where I belong, only to get trapped in the thought of what you and I could've had. But I choose to ignore it every time and grab the cash from the safe and catch a red eye flght to Florida, knowing it's better this way. You can call my line all you want, but we both know there's no going back when the timing was never on my side. I had feelings I never got to process, only to lose you in my view, so I knew it was the end and something new was coming my way. 

There's no reason for you to have access to me after you called me toxic, thinking you could save me. You said you could love me, but the only thing I ever loved was the money and the feeling of going 180 down the interstate late at night, running from the cops, knowing this is how it's gotta be. I didn't care to get you involved, but you were there by my side every time, as if you were my ride or die, knowing I never had to ask anything from you. You seemed to love me through the worst of me and only cared to leave when the better side of me had shown, and for that, I think that's why I kept you around, because you didn't care to see me at my best; you only wanted to know the trauma that I held onto.

You saw me go back and forth with the thoughts I held back, thinking it was for the best, only to one day let them out, and you saw how scared and sad I truly was. I didn't care to go back to that place, but every now and then I find my way back to it, thinking that's where I belong, only to have you stop me from going there. You act as a shield protecting me from the demons that I cling to, making me see that it doesn't always have to be like that, even though that's all I ever knew, and for you to make it feel brand new makes me feel as if it's meant to be, with the windows dark trying to avoid the scars and the music on repeat making me feel at ease.