Blog Post 496
Needed Some Time
We both know I can’t hide these feelings that I have for you, and this distance isn’t making it any better, so tell me what it’s gonna be. We got off to a great start, but the thought of losing you breaks me into two, making me wonder what’s next to come and if the pain that comes with it is worth my time. I know the pain will fuck me up eventually, but if there’s no pain then there’s no gain, according to those around me, but why's it always gotta be pain that makes us grow and learn?! Why can’t it just be a mutual respect for one another and calling it for what it is?! They got me pressed against the wall with no way out, only for me to look out into the distance; seeing tears come falling from your eyes makes me lose all sense of hope, knowing this isn’t how I wanted things to go! So tell me why it had to come to all of this?! Was the love we had not strong enough, or were the voices in our heads sabotaging the love we had for one another just so things didn’t spiral out of control?! It’s all just confusing because you’re my one and only, and now I’m uncertain if that’s even something I can say the way our tears are flooding the city streets.
You got me doing circles around you just to make sure you’re safe and well, losing sight of my own health and well-being, trying to give you everything I got just so you don’t feel lost and all alone knowing those two are your biggest fears! So why are we in such a rush to see where this goes when I know how this can go? I just need you to be open to the idea of it happening; otherwise, this could hurt us both in the process! You got me feeling like I can do no wrong, but when the sun goes down, I feel a sense of pressure to be open about everything you do and say and how I feel, but I back down because it’s not my place or the time to do so! I sit back and let things be for what they are, hoping I’m doing enough to make you see that there are parts of me that are good that other people don’t have time to bother getting to know! I wanna be the best version of myself for you, but sometimes I think I’m doing too much, so I just go about my doings and hope that you like me for me and don’t go out listening to the lies they tell about me!
There are so many factors to me, but when you came into my life, things just seemed so much calmer, so I switched up the whole entire flow and my state of mind just to see what you were all about, and so far it’s shown me that everyone else was just holding me back from what I was needing u til you came along. So I guess I should be thanking you for l bringing out the better side of me that everyone thought no longer existed, including myself! I wish I could hug you, but this will have to do, and I can call you later about it all, but for right now I’m just going to hold off on it because I know it may not mean much to you, but it means everything to me. Feeling lost and all alone, then one day all my fears and tears went away once you showed me there was a different path to life than the one I chose, and I couldn’t be more grateful for having you show me the way! I’m glad I reached out to you and made things work because at this point I feel like you were the missing piece to me all along, and I know it’s crazy to say, but for a while now that’s all it’s ever felt like, and I don’t know how else to describe the feeling that you give! I trust you and feel safe around you, knowing this is just my mental state talking, but at the same time my emotions are coming back into the light, knowing I’m no longer alone in this world when someone is willing to go out of their way just to ask about me and actually care about my well-being instead of only asking just to gain something from me!