Mak Batirov

Can't Relate to Others Anymore! I wish I knew why people hated me for doing what I did to better myself and the life I chose to have?! I thought I kept things private enough to where I wouldn’t get noticed, but somehow you saw me doing my best and decided to tear me down and act as if I was in the wrong, and for what?! I didn’t understand all the hate being thrown my way when I did it all on my own and never asked for anything from anyone! So how the hell are you hating on me for doing what I had to? To get shit done and putting myself in a better and safer place for myself?!  You all act as if you know me, but you only know what you see and go about your judgmental ways, judging me, thinking you got it all figured out when you don’t even know the real me! The real me never shows itself due to your behavior and actions of tearing others down, and I’m not trying to be torn down just for being myself, that’s why I just mirror your behavior and doings so you can see that it’s not that...

What If We Get It Right... This Time Around? Trying my best to not get my hopes up about you and me when you come down and see me for a quick moment. I'm already sure about what's going to happen, and I hope it doesn't happen in a way where you have to feel like you need to stay or tell your side of the story as to why it all had to go down the way it did. I'm sure we can just hang out and not let our guilty consciences get in the way of what we have right now. I know it's been a minute since we last talked, but the small talk might be best for now, so we don't go and assume it's what we both want, knowing we're living two completely different lives now, and the way I feel towards you has changed, and maybe it was for the best. I didn't change the way I felt about you; I just changed the way I think about you. You didn't do anything wrong, but at the same time, I had to let you go so I could find myself again as one. You were great from the start...

Just a Stranger Until I'm Back in Your Bed Wishing we weren't so tragic from the start that we had to go and find something better, only to get lost in the thought of one another and end up calling each other late at night, asking to come over. We stay up all night laughing all the pain and tears away that we end up wasting hella time kissing down each other's body only to forget that we're just friends. We have one hell of a time, but then once it's over, we go back to hating one another, and honestly, I don't mind it because we both know we're better off as friends with benefits, but only stay for the benefits. We keep pursuing one another in the crowd, only to lose sight of what we have once we touch. It's just you look so damn good in the neon lights that it's hard not to kiss you. The way you get stuck in my head hurts like hell, but the thought of you never leaving my head is kind of worth it. Knowing you had that much of an impact on my life t...

Accidentally Found My Way Back to You I know talking about you and the past is going to make me numb for the next few days, but honestly, I can't deny the fact that you've been on my mind, and I want to reach out to you to see how you've been and hope everything's been going well for you. But for some reason, I haven't had the balls to do it due to the fact that I know if I reach out, the flashbacks of the things that happened and said will start running in the back of my head, causing me to lose focus on everything I know. I just wish there was a better way of letting you know how much I've missed you these past few years, knowing all I do is dream of you and keep thinking about how things could be different if I didn't have to lie to myself about the things I felt towards you. I wish I could love you one more time, but the love I had for you ran its course, and there's no going back. I can replay the memories of us like a movie, but that's it. I wi...

I Don't Wanna Talk to You You don't even care about me or the things I do and say, so why the fuck do you bother playing nice and acting as if you care when we both know you're just seeing if I still want you back or not. You keep playing your fuck ass mind games every now and then with me to see if I'll cave in, and honestly, it's getting to the point where I'm wishing the worst for you. I was fine with just the small talk and letting the conversation die down after 2 minutes, just to never hear back from you, but then you went and made it seem like I was in the wrong for literally just responding to your text. Like, what the fuck did I do wrong that you had to go out of your way and shit on me for answering your question? It's like you want to cause a scene and make it all about you when in reality, I'm doing just fine without you.  I keep telling you time after time that there's nothing between you and I, and I wish you could just see me as a ghos...

Found an Angel Just to Give Her Hell I can't believe I gotta go out of my way and make this public when everything we knew and had was private and behind closed doors. I guess the thought of you being the one thing that's good for me has taken its toll, and I'm not sure how to feel or think about it. I do my best to let it be for what it is and let you do whatever it is you do, but when you're next to me, I can feel the tension rising like there's nothing better going on between the two of us. You claimed I was the only one to show you a side of me nobody's ever seen, and I'm not sure how to feel about it all, honestly. Like, did I lose myself when I looked at you, or was it just the shot of whisky talking when you came walking by, knowing I didn't need much but a quick reply? It happened all so quick that we started making out as if we'd done it all before, knowing we'd never met til that night. I wish I could go back to that night and figure ou...

180 On The Dash Had my fair share and time on the road, swimming, and squeezing through traffic to understand that most people really are just a waste of space and time. I'm not saying that what I was doing was right or wrong; I'm just saying that I was watching videos on swimming and squeezing through traffic, and it made me realize it really is just a skill and a mindset that you have to work up to. It's not something you just wake up doing, at least not for me. Yeah I was always good at cutting up in traffic but swimming and squeezing is a game all on it own and I've talked about me doing it the first time and how it felt but now it's just an automatic thing for me and I hate to say it but I no longer have to think about it just comes to me as if it's nothing.  I know that me doing it probably makes people hate me for how I drive, but honestly, if you do it the right way, then what more can they do other than just watch? It's honestly just a sight to see ...

It's Just Her Since it's clear to me that you still held on to the thought of me, even though I went my separate ways from you, I was wrong about you. I don't know why I thought you were just there for show and to kill some time, but I'm sorry. I thought you said you couldn't do the long-term thing, so I made it a temporary arrangement, thinking nothing of it. However, I guess being with me changed your mind, and I'm sorry for not sticking around to see that. I was just focused on my work and craft, that being next to you started to feel more like a job than a pleasure in my head. But it's my fault for not asking you what your thoughts were and how you felt about it all at the time. I guess I took it too literally when you said you just wanted something temporary and no strings attached at the time. I called you not too long ago to see how things were, and you started going off about how dare I do this and that when I thought everything was cool between us t...

The Further We Drown I swear it's like setting a moth to a flame every time we're next to one another. We keep eyeing one another up and down in a room full of people watching us to see who's going to end up making the first move, only to realize none of us are ready to let it out. So we stand there face to face, trying to figure one out, only to come to the realization there's nothing to figure out but the feeling of deep guilt, only to have it seem so unrecognizable. We laugh it off and continue to drink our drinks, hoping it would all just fade away. I pass you on my way out, hoping you'd stop me, but with every step I take, it feels like I have weights weighing me down, preventing me from moving. I push through, hoping I'll make it out without causing a scene, but you stop me in my path, and I get anxious with every word you let out, hoping it's nothing bout the past between you and me. I drowned so deep in the thought of you that it felt like nothing co...

To Love ‘Em & Leave ‘Em Not trying to sound like I know you and everything you're about, but it kind of seems like you're only in it for the pleasure and nothing more. You keep talking to me as if I'm nothing more than just a distraction from something bigger, and with that being said, it hurts knowing my part will always be short-lived. You keep talking to me as if we've known each other for years when in reality it's only been a few weeks and with that being said I know you're just playing mind games and toying with my feelings until you feel better about yourself and then when you finally do you'll end up dropping me and going back to finding someone new or someone from before to help satisfy your needs. I've seen it all before, so I'm not that clueless as to what you're doing. I had you figured out within the first few hours of hanging out with you, and figuring all that out, I knew you and I would never see eye to eye on anything.  I kep...

Just Forget About It Honestly, I thought there was something more to you that I wanted to have, but turns out there's really nothing that I need from you. I guess the thought of you finally died down, and now I'm starting to regret my decision of reaching out and wondering what you've been up to. I should've known it would have been the same shit as before. I figured I'd give it a go and see where you'd end up taking it, and turns out my predictions were correct. Sucks that I have to step away from you now, even though the steps I took to get you weren't that far. Just a little bit of this and that, and you were already texting back like you owed me a favor. Kind of impressed by the fake attitude and persona that you chose to have when we both know that shit won't last. You only choose to do it so you can squeeze your way into my life, knowing you being in my life would only make you spiral out because behind closed doors, we both know you can't mani...

I Lied... Hoping It Wouldn't Matter! Kind of in a weird place right now, when all I think about is you, and the thought of us should’ve never come to be! It’s hard knowing I had you, then lost you with the blink of an eye, and didn’t even realize it! I wanted to love you like I never loved anyone before, and you to be my safe space, but I guess you had other motives when it came to me! I’m not mad, just confused why you chose to do it to me when you could have just left me alone! You led me on to think I had a chance with you, only to shut me out completely without telling me the reason!  I tried my best to now wonder about the reasons behind it, but for some reason I kept waiting for an explanation, only to get nothing in return! I thought you loved me, but you only loved the thought of me and nothing more! You only needed me to get over your ex, and I guess it’s fine, but why’d it have to be out of all people?! You seem to have all the support you could ever want and need, and ye...

Lost Without You You said we'd always have forever to get it right and that things would fall into place, but every time you're close, all I think about is the pain and tears I caused you. You seem to be just fine being next to me, but I'm never fine being next to you, and it kills me knowing part of me hates myself for hurting you. I thought you'd love me for me, but then you went and changed your motives towards me and caused me to spiral out of control making me lose sight of what you mean to me. I knew what I was doing wasn't right, but I couldn't stop myself because the damage was already done, so I just kept making it worse, hoping you'd leave me alone and find someone better than me. But my plan backfired all at once when you came knocking at my door, telling me how sorry you were for leaving me. It was so unexpected that I thought it might have been a dream, but the dream was nothing more than the truth.  It hurt like hell knowing that you chose to s...