Blog Post 439

Can't Relate to Others Anymore!

I wish I knew why people hated me for doing what I did to better myself and the life I chose to have?! I thought I kept things private enough to where I wouldn’t get noticed, but somehow you saw me doing my best and decided to tear me down and act as if I was in the wrong, and for what?! I didn’t understand all the hate being thrown my way when I did it all on my own and never asked for anything from anyone! So how the hell are you hating on me for doing what I had to? To get shit done and putting myself in a better and safer place for myself?! 

You all act as if you know me, but you only know what you see and go about your judgmental ways, judging me, thinking you got it all figured out when you don’t even know the real me! The real me never shows itself due to your behavior and actions of tearing others down, and I’m not trying to be torn down just for being myself, that’s why I just mirror your behavior and doings so you can see that it’s not that hard to be someone else! But unfortunately, me being myself will never be easy for you! You’d be more likely to kill yourself than to actually feel alive, that’s why I don’t show much emotion towards people! I can fake most emotions, but never truly feel them the way others experience and feel them! That’s why it’s so easy for me to lose friends and so-called connections with others, because it’s never that serious or deep to me! Learned that at a young age, and honestly, it’s not that big of a problem or issue to me! People are always temporary in my book, so I never have a real reason to get close to them!

I don’t know why people gotta keep making their way into my life, knowing I’m not the type to get close or care to open up to others unless I find them meaningful and useful to my needs and life! It’s like people come to me expecting a bond, but the only bond they’re about to face is the one in jail if they don’t get the fuck on! Stop trying to associate with people who you don’t know and serve no purpose to! It’s so embarrassing on your end! Constantly reaching out and trying to get my attention, knowing most days my phone is off and I’m m.i.a doing what I do best! I don’t care for close connections with randoms and short-term relationships! Never have, never will! It’s not for me, and besides, I’m really picky about the people I choose to open up to and get close to! It’s a rare occurrence for me to meet new people and be able to trust them when I know most people are just users and abusers!

I know I should give others the benefit of the doubt, but when there’s a cost to pay at the end, I’d rather just not bother with it because out of all the people you chose to play with, you chose me!! Are we dead ass right now!? This is why I don’t bother with others! Always trying to outshine or outdo someone who’s not even bothered by their existence! You wanted to play a role that you weren’t supposed to play, and now you’re mad because I didn’t react or bother giving you the time of day?! How does that even make sense to you?! You wanted to be this and that but couldn’t even be yourself at the end of the end?! That’s so embarrassing! If you’re going to be anything or anyone, just be yourself and make sure you point out all your flaws before you go and try to outshine someone else! Because sooner or later, all those flaws you try so hard to ignore and avoid are going to make their way into the light, and you’ll quickly realize why it’s important to understand yourself before you go around thinking you’re better than someone else!