Blog Post 434

Found an Angel Just to Give Her Hell

I can't believe I gotta go out of my way and make this public when everything we knew and had was private and behind closed doors. I guess the thought of you being the one thing that's good for me has taken its toll, and I'm not sure how to feel or think about it. I do my best to let it be for what it is and let you do whatever it is you do, but when you're next to me, I can feel the tension rising like there's nothing better going on between the two of us. You claimed I was the only one to show you a side of me nobody's ever seen, and I'm not sure how to feel about it all, honestly. Like, did I lose myself when I looked at you, or was it just the shot of whisky talking when you came walking by, knowing I didn't need much but a quick reply? It happened all so quick that we started making out as if we'd done it all before, knowing we'd never met til that night.

I wish I could go back to that night and figure out what it really meant when you walked on by giving me the soft touch as you went to the back, knowing I'd look back your way, thinking to myself on how I get a girl like you to love a guy like me. It all came so fast that by the end of the night, you were in my bed with nothing on but a t-shirt, and the way you looked walking around my room with that smile made me want you even more. I knew there was something more to you than you let on, but we never got that far due to everything being just a blur after the whisky ran its course. I see you out and about, thinking nothing of it, only to realize you still come closer every chance you get, only for me to wonder why you had to leave in the first place. I wish I could have been the guy you wanted/needed, but something told me it was nothing more than just a one-night stand, and I couldn't do much more than just have it be a memory. 

I could tell you wanted me for something more by the look in your eyes but knowing how everything goes for me it wouldn't have been the best decision for me to lead you on thinking it was what I was wanting and wishing for when in reality the only thing I'm wishing for was a better me to exist so you could love someone who'd be good for you and see the best in you even past your flaws and with me I'd never be that guy for you. So I did what I had to make you see that I'm not the one you needed, but damn it sure was a hell of a time knowing we got it right from the jump. I'm just sorry I couldn't make it last. It was fun and great for the moment, but it'll never be more than just a one-night stand.