Blog Post 428
I Lied... Hoping It Wouldn't Matter!
Kind of in a weird place right now, when all I think about is you, and the thought of us should’ve never come to be! It’s hard knowing I had you, then lost you with the blink of an eye, and didn’t even realize it! I wanted to love you like I never loved anyone before, and you to be my safe space, but I guess you had other motives when it came to me! I’m not mad, just confused why you chose to do it to me when you could have just left me alone! You led me on to think I had a chance with you, only to shut me out completely without telling me the reason!
I tried my best to now wonder about the reasons behind it, but for some reason I kept waiting for an explanation, only to get nothing in return! I thought you loved me, but you only loved the thought of me and nothing more! You only needed me to get over your ex, and I guess it’s fine, but why’d it have to be out of all people?! You seem to have all the support you could ever want and need, and yet you still chose to come see me and play with my emotions, not knowing how I truly felt about it all!
I let you see a side of me no one ever gets to see because I thought you were different and had something more to you, but turns out you’re just like the rest of them, which made me wonder why I even bothered trying to make it right with you, knowing it was your choice to leave! You kept me hanging on by a thread only to cut the line when the feelings got involved, and you didn’t know how to manage them! You were such a coward, choosing me, thinking I’d go out without a fight! I let you believe in what you wanted to believe, knowing deep down inside, this isn’t what I wanted! Granted, I wanted to love you the right way, but the shit you had talked about made me realize you would become someone that I hate down the line, and I couldn’t help but keep the thought of putting distance between you and I so I wouldn’t end up getting hurt!
As much as I tried to ignore the distance, I couldn’t shake the feeling of being someone you would eventually hate! I talked to my friend about you and explained how much you meant to me, but at the end of the day, you didn’t feel the same way, and I had to accept that, and by accepting that, I chose to walk away, even though it led me to cry my eyes out knowing someone like you can’t be replaced! For some reason, you were everything I could ask and hope for, but the stars just didn’t align in this timeline, so the universe decided that you needed to go and find someone better, and I needed to do what was best for me, even if it meant losing sight of what could have been between us two!
I just wish you knew how much I miss you, even though I don’t make it known or reach out to you because I know reaching out won't make a difference, and you probably have my number blocked, so in reality, it would just be pointless altogether! You can stalk me all you want and talk shit about me, but it won’t change the way I feel about you! I know feelings tend to change, and people make mistakes, but you were never a mistake in my opinion! You became someone important in my life, and I didn’t wanna lose you! You meant everything to me, even though I probably meant nothing to you! It’s hard saying goodbye to those that hold a special place in my heart, but if saying goodbye is the only way for me to heal from the thought of you, then I’ll say my goodbyes, but til then I’ll continue to choose you in every life god has for me!