Mak Lee

180 On the Dash Running From My Fate Took some time to sit back and chill while everyone did the things they normally do, but for some reason I had the sudden urge to lock back in and go for a drive, not knowing where I'd end up being. All I could think about was the gaps between the other cars and the cops closing in on me from the rear. It happened all so fast, where everything just flowed so perfectly, and my calculations became so accurate that speeding past those cars felt as if I was in a video game, not thinking too much of it. Everything around me was moving all so fast, yet I'm still not sure what it all entails for me. Was the thought of me being behind the wheel my way back to finding the meaning behind all my doings, or was it me just trying to meet my maker, thinking everything would be better after it was all said and done? I can't define the meaning behind all of this, but the only one that keeps running in the back of my head is a girl named Camryn, thinking...

Should've Held onto You When I think of you, it feels like 2012 all over again, and I can’t help but think about how good we had it! I wish I could go back to the days when I’d sit in the back of the classroom with you, talking about anything to make the time fly by! There were so many great conversations between you and me that I wish I could continue to have them with you, but as of now, I’m stuck trying to find out why they all stopped. I wish I knew the meaning behind us meeting and then drifting apart as if it were just a science experiment that went wrong! I have thoughts about you and me making things right again, but I fear that too much time has passed, and we’ll barely have a connection like we used to have! I haven’t forgotten about you, when you’re still the only one I dream about when I need to remind myself of why I am the way I am! It’s a never-ending cycle of trying to hold on to the one I loved the most, even though you’re no longer a part of my life! It’s a feelin...

I Never Knew How You Felt Until Today I know you’re going to probably hate me for reaching out to someone close to you and asking how you’ve been and why the things that happened between us had to happen when everything between us was perfectly fine! I thought the feelings were mutual, and everything was right from the jump, but I guess you thought my feelings were fake, and you seemed to be trying to find the real meaning behind the things I was doing and saying, when in reality, there was nothing for me to hide from you! Everything I had said was true and real. There was never a time when I doubled back and tried to rethink of a way to get it right when everything just seemed so right either way between us two! It was like a scene out of a movie every time I’d see you walking by, thinking, god damn, what an angel you are, the way your smile lit up a room full of darkness! It was like nothing else I’ve ever seen or dreamed of before! I wanted you all to myself, knowing there were othe...

Go Ahead and Tell 'Em It's just funny to me how you get attached to others who tend to hurt you the most, but go completely silent from the ones who treat you the best way possible. It's almost as if the pain you chase is deep within the trauma that you hold, and it's quite fascinating, honestly. The way you get people to cling on only to use them for your own needs, then throw them out as if they meant nothing to you. It's like watching a playback of my own doings just to realize you might be the one for me. It's crazy how you came into my life thinking I was the sweetest you've ever met, only for you to realize there was something more to me that I wasn't letting out, and I think that's why we bonded so quickly with one another. You held onto the ones who hurt you, while I cling to those who I know can hurt me in the end. It's a never-ending cycle of being abused and traumatized, only to feel numb to it every time it happens. It's almost as...

Can't Relate to Others Anymore! I wish I knew why people hated me for doing what I did to better myself and the life I chose to have?! I thought I kept things private enough to where I wouldn’t get noticed, but somehow you saw me doing my best and decided to tear me down and act as if I was in the wrong, and for what?! I didn’t understand all the hate being thrown my way when I did it all on my own and never asked for anything from anyone! So how the hell are you hating on me for doing what I had to? To get shit done and putting myself in a better and safer place for myself?!  You all act as if you know me, but you only know what you see and go about your judgmental ways, judging me, thinking you got it all figured out when you don’t even know the real me! The real me never shows itself due to your behavior and actions of tearing others down, and I’m not trying to be torn down just for being myself, that’s why I just mirror your behavior and doings so you can see that it’s not that...

What If We Get It Right... This Time Around? Trying my best to not get my hopes up about you and me when you come down and see me for a quick moment. I'm already sure about what's going to happen, and I hope it doesn't happen in a way where you have to feel like you need to stay or tell your side of the story as to why it all had to go down the way it did. I'm sure we can just hang out and not let our guilty consciences get in the way of what we have right now. I know it's been a minute since we last talked, but the small talk might be best for now, so we don't go and assume it's what we both want, knowing we're living two completely different lives now, and the way I feel towards you has changed, and maybe it was for the best. I didn't change the way I felt about you; I just changed the way I think about you. You didn't do anything wrong, but at the same time, I had to let you go so I could find myself again as one. You were great from the start...

Just a Stranger Until I'm Back in Your Bed Wishing we weren't so tragic from the start that we had to go and find something better, only to get lost in the thought of one another and end up calling each other late at night, asking to come over. We stay up all night laughing all the pain and tears away that we end up wasting hella time kissing down each other's body only to forget that we're just friends. We have one hell of a time, but then once it's over, we go back to hating one another, and honestly, I don't mind it because we both know we're better off as friends with benefits, but only stay for the benefits. We keep pursuing one another in the crowd, only to lose sight of what we have once we touch. It's just you look so damn good in the neon lights that it's hard not to kiss you. The way you get stuck in my head hurts like hell, but the thought of you never leaving my head is kind of worth it. Knowing you had that much of an impact on my life t...

Accidentally Found My Way Back to You I know talking about you and the past is going to make me numb for the next few days, but honestly, I can't deny the fact that you've been on my mind, and I want to reach out to you to see how you've been and hope everything's been going well for you. But for some reason, I haven't had the balls to do it due to the fact that I know if I reach out, the flashbacks of the things that happened and said will start running in the back of my head, causing me to lose focus on everything I know. I just wish there was a better way of letting you know how much I've missed you these past few years, knowing all I do is dream of you and keep thinking about how things could be different if I didn't have to lie to myself about the things I felt towards you. I wish I could love you one more time, but the love I had for you ran its course, and there's no going back. I can replay the memories of us like a movie, but that's it. I wi...

I Don't Wanna Talk to You You don't even care about me or the things I do and say, so why the fuck do you bother playing nice and acting as if you care when we both know you're just seeing if I still want you back or not. You keep playing your fuck ass mind games every now and then with me to see if I'll cave in, and honestly, it's getting to the point where I'm wishing the worst for you. I was fine with just the small talk and letting the conversation die down after 2 minutes, just to never hear back from you, but then you went and made it seem like I was in the wrong for literally just responding to your text. Like, what the fuck did I do wrong that you had to go out of your way and shit on me for answering your question? It's like you want to cause a scene and make it all about you when in reality, I'm doing just fine without you.  I keep telling you time after time that there's nothing between you and I, and I wish you could just see me as a ghos...

Found an Angel Just to Give Her Hell I can't believe I gotta go out of my way and make this public when everything we knew and had was private and behind closed doors. I guess the thought of you being the one thing that's good for me has taken its toll, and I'm not sure how to feel or think about it. I do my best to let it be for what it is and let you do whatever it is you do, but when you're next to me, I can feel the tension rising like there's nothing better going on between the two of us. You claimed I was the only one to show you a side of me nobody's ever seen, and I'm not sure how to feel about it all, honestly. Like, did I lose myself when I looked at you, or was it just the shot of whisky talking when you came walking by, knowing I didn't need much but a quick reply? It happened all so quick that we started making out as if we'd done it all before, knowing we'd never met til that night. I wish I could go back to that night and figure ou...

180 On The Dash Had my fair share and time on the road, swimming, and squeezing through traffic to understand that most people really are just a waste of space and time. I'm not saying that what I was doing was right or wrong; I'm just saying that I was watching videos on swimming and squeezing through traffic, and it made me realize it really is just a skill and a mindset that you have to work up to. It's not something you just wake up doing, at least not for me. Yeah I was always good at cutting up in traffic but swimming and squeezing is a game all on it own and I've talked about me doing it the first time and how it felt but now it's just an automatic thing for me and I hate to say it but I no longer have to think about it just comes to me as if it's nothing.  I know that me doing it probably makes people hate me for how I drive, but honestly, if you do it the right way, then what more can they do other than just watch? It's honestly just a sight to see ...

It's Just Her Since it's clear to me that you still held on to the thought of me, even though I went my separate ways from you, I was wrong about you. I don't know why I thought you were just there for show and to kill some time, but I'm sorry. I thought you said you couldn't do the long-term thing, so I made it a temporary arrangement, thinking nothing of it. However, I guess being with me changed your mind, and I'm sorry for not sticking around to see that. I was just focused on my work and craft, that being next to you started to feel more like a job than a pleasure in my head. But it's my fault for not asking you what your thoughts were and how you felt about it all at the time. I guess I took it too literally when you said you just wanted something temporary and no strings attached at the time. I called you not too long ago to see how things were, and you started going off about how dare I do this and that when I thought everything was cool between us t...