Blog Post 442
Should've Held onto You
When I think of you, it feels like 2012 all over again, and I can’t help but think about how good we had it! I wish I could go back to the days when I’d sit in the back of the classroom with you, talking about anything to make the time fly by! There were so many great conversations between you and me that I wish I could continue to have them with you, but as of now, I’m stuck trying to find out why they all stopped. I wish I knew the meaning behind us meeting and then drifting apart as if it were just a science experiment that went wrong! I have thoughts about you and me making things right again, but I fear that too much time has passed, and we’ll barely have a connection like we used to have! I haven’t forgotten about you, when you’re still the only one I dream about when I need to remind myself of why I am the way I am! It’s a never-ending cycle of trying to hold on to the one I loved the most, even though you’re no longer a part of my life! It’s a feeling I can’t explain, and maybe one day I’ll get this feeling to be heard and understood, but for now, it’s just a feeling that I can’t shake!
I know the chances of you and I meeting up are slim to none and maybe that’s what’s best but if there’s ever a day where I do run into you I think my life would be complete and I can die in peace knowing I made an impression on you after all these years once again and to look back on how far we’ve both come even though our lives steered us in completely different directions! From that point on, I’d have no reason to let you go, and I’ll be there whenever you call me! I don’t wanna go back to not knowing you because trying to forget an angel like you sent me to hell, not knowing how deep the cut would be! I thought it was just a one-time thing, but that one-time thing turned out to be a decade of hurt, and I don’t wanna hurt anymore! I’ve been numb for so long that hearing about you sparked a sense of emotion in me that I forgot how to truly appreciate it! You should’ve seen the smile on my face when that person told me how you were doing! I felt as if a heavy weight was lifted off my shoulders, and I couldn’t be happier than I already was! I just wish I had made the move sooner to ask about you, and it’s my fault for steering clear of your life due to the circumstances of my own actions!
I know me falling overboard into the ocean of emotions was my biggest mistake, but for some reason, the thought of you always brought me back to life, knowing that you were the only thing keeping me alive all this time! You were and will always be a lifesaver of mine, and I wouldn’t want anyone else to take that place of yours! Sometimes I felt like drowning was the only way for me to see you and let you know how I truly felt about you, and I as one! I know most of my emotions went numb when we lost touch, but that never stopped me from writing about the things I was hiding from everyone around me! You were the muse to all my creative writing, and now that I have a piece of you, my writing might end up being a bit more difficult than ever! Because how am I supposed to go through life knowing all I had to do was just reach out, but instead I let it be for what it was, making you feel uncertain and unloved about who you were and the things you were doing?! It’s almost as if I’m back in hell just thinking about that’s what you went through when I could have stopped you from feeling like that all this time! I guess me playing it cool will just have to wait because right now all my focus is on you and nothing else! I need to understand what we were so afraid of that we had to walk away from the love we once had for each other!