Blog Post 531

I Only Want Myself

Please don't take this the wrong way, but you have nothing that I would need or want to make me happy, so please stop coming up to me as if you have what I want. There's nothing that you could say or do to make me change my mind when my mind about you and everyone around me has been made. I'm too deep in thought of my own self and needs that having to bother with someone else / new just makes my stomach hurt. I don't see the point or value in letting someone in just so they can hurt me in the process and then leaving once they get what they want. That shit never ends well for either party involved, and knowing how I like to get my get-backs, it's always them who's left in shock at what I'm really capable of, and that's why I choose to stay to myself and let others come to me just to shut them out. Because what even made you want to come near me when I make it my business to make sure no one approaches me?

I don't have any means to find myself in a relationship with anyone, and I hope nobody finds their way to me thinking I'll be dateable or whatever the fuck they wanna be with me. I don't like the idea of being with someone anymore. It causes more stress than peace, and after everything that I went through while dating other people, I just found it best to stay single and only worry about my own doings. This whole idea of having to be with someone is so overrated, especially when I'm hyper independent and having someone in my personal space just feels like an invasion of privacy, so I just cut them off and don't bother reaching out to them ever again. Stop trying to know everything about me when we just first met, when in reality there's nothing about me that would interest you unless you grew up having some sort of psychological problems and trauma that we can both laugh at. Otherwise, I'm pretty much a book you can not read!

I just hate having other people asking me about myself when everything about me is detrimental and basically fucked up. Like are we dead ass right now? Why would you wanna sit there and listen to all that? Make that shit make sense. That's why I'd rather just keep shit at a surface level and leave when the moon comes out. Because I'm never going to be worth someone's time or anything, and that's why I don't bother giving anyone the time of day. It's been proven over and over, so I already know what to expect when others plan to get to know me. They're not actually trying to get to know me. They're just trying to figure out how long they're willing to listen before it gets too much to handle and to answer that question. It takes an average of 15 days and after that the're no trace of me in there life and that's the way it's always been and honestly I think that's what's made me realize people really aren't worth a damn in this day and age and the only person you can really rely on is just yourself and the money in the bank anything less than that it's just gonna fail you in the process so I don't bother with it.

Y'all stay approaching people thinking they'll give you the time and attention, but I'm just gonna look at you as if you're lost and don't bother chasing / following me down the street because I'll just ignore you at best or just make you lose sight of me within a matter of seconds because why you bothering with my safety? Stop doing that dumb shit. You don't know me, I don't know you, so if anything, you're just a danger to society just as much as I am to you, so why the fuck are you proceeding with the dumb shit? It's late at night, and the streets are crowded with people, but yet you wanna start hollering at me, who's alone in the streets just minding his business with no intentions of talking to those around him. Make that shit make sense. Y'all are so fucking weird that it makes this city unbreathable. Y'all see me out most Friday nights, knowing I'm just in and out of the city limits, yet y'all still find a way to box me in, trying to ask me shit? I don't do small talk, and I sure as hell don't feel like being bothered late at night when I'm just out trying to process the trauma and the things I feel in peace without the need of others being right next to me.

I don't know what it is about me that makes you think I'm easy to approach but can you do me a favor and stop thinking that shit before I taze your ass in the streets and walk away as if nothing happened. Like damn what happened to having personal space and just parking somewhere without a fucking weirdo like yourself knocking on the car window before I could even put my car in park asking for some fucking spare change. Like god damn!!! Get the fuck on somewhere. I'm so sick of dealing with these sorts of things when my plans are to just drive and clear my head / get some ideas for a blog post and grab a bite to eat. I'm not making plans with other people or care to be approached by others because the whole social cues no longer exist with me. I think everyone around me is just about as useful as a cigarette to me, like bitch I don't smoke so why the fuck do you keep asking me for a cig? Like, be so for real right now. Just stop talking to me for real. I don't know how much annoyed I gotta look your way for you to get the fuck on, but I'm for real bout to just start tazing y'all for getting too close to me. Maybe then you'll learn to stop? Who knows, but I know I'm gonna tell the cops I feared for my safety, so I tazed you and walked away in self-defense.