Blog Post 508
Does the Thought of Me Weigh You Down?!
Even though the moment is gone, the pain still lingers, making me ask why you had to leave me all alone without saying goodbye. It’s almost as if the chapter of us went unwritten, making me find another way to finish it all on my own, not seeing things for what they truly are! I wish I had the answers to your doing, but I’m left in confusion while the silence takes over, making me lose sight of what’s to come! It’s like the voices are coming from within the walls only to break them all apart and come out empty-handed! So tell me why these tears are drowning me from within as your words cut deep like a knife to the heart, causing me to lose all hope of ever finding the truth!
You left without saying goodbye, making me feel as if I was never enough! I’m left wearing the pain, asking myself why! Had me deep in thought trying to figure you out only to get lost in the stars, thinking to myself I’m better off deep underground. Trying to figure out how I wasn’t good enough for you in your eyes! I kept my pain from your field of view, making me seem like nothing could hurt me, but the gravity kept pulling me further down as if there was a truth that could set me free! I didn’t understand why the gravity of your goodbyes forced me down to where all I did was cry! Did my existence bother you so much that you had to kill yourself to feel free?! It doesn’t make any sense to me as to why the scene was never fully developed when you’re the one who decided it was best to stay! I let you have your way only to feel trapped within, but I didn’t care to say or rap anything about it because the thought of losing you only killed me from within!
You got me asking myself if I’ll ever be good enough for someone new or if the cycle just repeats itself til I fully end my life and let you finally understand the pain was deeper than you ever knew! But I chose to leave it to the side because it wasn’t your fight! I did my best to keep myself safe and away from the situation, but you kept going at it as if it was some sort of game, only to lose me in the end! I didn’t mind it, though, because loving you was the only thing on my mind! I did my best not to let the demons take over me, but seeing you leave without saying goodbye triggered something in me! Making me understand that there’s no going back in time to try and figure us out when all the answers were right in front of me as I was standing in the rain, letting it wash away the sins I tried so hard to avoid!
I tried clearing you out of my system as if you never existed, but the memories hit me like a wave inside my head, making me fall to my knees, bashing my head against the tile floor, hoping the pain would go away. But all it did was cause more damage, and honestly, I was fine with it because it only made me stronger, and I understood what I had to do even if it meant trying to love somebody new. But even then, they still lead me back to you, so I deleted every trace of you, losing sight and thought of what I once knew, thinking it would bring me back to someone I once knew, only to find myself losing every trace of my well-being. So I called it off and headed into the void, thinking I'd find you there and the answers would be clear as day, but all I got was a note saying to go back.
So I left the void and thought of all the ways I could end it all and never go back to it, only to get caught up in the memories of you and me once again. So I sat there taking it all in and seeing that it was the only way to fully move on from it all. I let the memories hit me like a wave once again and stuck it out til the very end, only to then erase them from my mind. I never thought it would have gone that way, but I'm here without a single thought of you thinking that loving someone new might work this time around without it feeling like a tragedy. This was the moment when I knew I'd stop asking why, stop waiting, stop replaying the past, and stop breaking down in the middle of the crowd, trying to figure us out when the thought of us no longer remains. This was the day I let you go without the anger, and letting you know that some people aren't meant to stay, but the heart will still survive after every war.