Blog Post 507

Drowning in the Tears I Chose to Hide

You left me all alone like I had nothing left to offer. Making me wonder what the reasoning for your absence was! I learned to sleep without your beating heart next to me, making me think it was all my fault when all I wanted was to love you! Had me putting all the blame on myself, thinking it was for the best! I cried out all my tears, wishing you’d come back, only to drown myself in the sorrow. I tried to run and hide from the pain, but all it did was break me in two every time I stepped out the door, making me feel trapped with no way out! I searched for you online, hoping I’d find the answers as to why the pain was consuming every inch of me! But instead, it came out with zero search results, so I pushed away the laptop and went back to bed, hoping I’d find you in my dreams! But all I saw was just an empty void of no return of what we had!

I felt as if there was nothing more that I could have done to get us back to where we once were, so I sat back and let the pain consume me to the point where I felt numb, and nothing else seemed to matter! I looked out the windows, thinking I’d see you pass, but the only thing that passed was the thought of you and I playing in the back of my head, making me wonder why it had to end so suddenly! I thought we had it all figured out, but I guess I was wrong, and I know I can’t turn back time, but at the same time I gotta go out of my way and find the truth in all of this! I waited for the morning to come, thinking that the pain would fade out of my body, making me see things for what they were, only to be proven wrong! One wrong thought and I’m back on my knees crying out to you, making me feel like a fool knowing this isn’t how it’s supposed to be! But I do it anyway because the thought of losing you was hurting me deeper than anything I’ve ever felt before, and I knew I had to give it my all, even if it meant erasing everything I once knew and who I was to get to you!

I know the thousand tears I cried only led me to a dead end, but the thought of you was all I knew, so I stuck to the path that I once held you on, hoping you’d come passing by, making me see it was worth the pain and tears! But then again, I know my heart won’t ever be the same, but somehow my mind will retain memories of you, and even though the dreams I have of you no longer come to me late at night, I know you and I were meant to be. I know I just need to take some time and rest my mind and heart, but seeing you acting as if I didn’t matter makes me second-guess all of this! You told me that I’d be fine, but why’d it feel like it was all a lie when the past is all that remains, as if the love we once had is still there?! In my mind, you’re one of a kind, and I can’t let go of you, but in reality, you’re the one who chose to leave me all alone, making me search for you as if you never existed! I try to block out all the noises, hoping I’d hear you calling, but all it’s doing is suffocating me, causing me to lie here in despair.