Blog Post 488

The Truth Is... I Love You

I know I haven't really been up to socializing or reaching out, but in my defense, it's because I've been scared of all these feelings that I've been having. I know the things I feel come and go, but they hit heavy like a wave knocking me down, preventing me from getting up, so I just drown in the thought of you. I ask myself what it all means, and if I should pursue you, only to come to terms with that you and I will never work, so I go sink back into the deep end, hoping I'll find something better there.

I lose my mind thinking about all the ways you make me feel, knowing I don't feel much when it comes to others, but when it comes to you, I feel everything there is, and I wish I could let you know without you asking me why, and if I could stop. I hide away the things I feel towards you because the thought of losing you hurts me more than anything, so I sit by your side looking out into the sunset, wondering if this will ever last or if it's just for the moment. I listen to you talk as your eyes sparkle, making me look away with a smile, not knowing what to say. I wish I could leave in a kiss your lips and make you see how much you mean to me, but that's not my place. 

I guess I just wish I had the guts to figure us out without making it seem like I'm lost or confused about us when I know the signs are there of something more, but somehow I'm unsure of how to make my feelings known to you. I hear your heart beating when I'm next to you, wondering if it's for me or for someone else. I wonder about all the things you're doing and hoping that you're doing well, but still not reaching out because I don't want to seem so needy or like I need you, but at the same time you're all I think about when we're far apart. I know that distance is just a tempory thing, but then I close my eyes and cry because the thought of you and I won't escape my mind, making me feel like there's something there between us two even though no signs have been placed.

I just know when I'm next to you everything just seems to fade away and all the answers that I've been looking for are with you so I over stay my welcome hoping you don't mind only say goodbye and you ask if I can stay a lil longer so I put my keys back down and walk your way and give you a lil shoulder bump and carry on about my doings only for you to come walking my way asking if that was a yes and I said you tell me and the rest of the night is histroy. I miss the nights we would just look into each other's eyes and smile along as if one of us had said a joke or two.

I miss everything that we had and the long nights listening to your heartbeat. I know we might never get back to that, but if you wanna know where I stand with you and the past, it's really simple. I love you and have always found you as a safety net, and I didn't have to worry about the tears and fears I held back when everything felt so right when there was just you and me. I miss the late-night rides and the late-night snacks, talking about how life has its ways of meeting people only to end up finding out there the missing piece. I hope one day you and I can pull out that puzzle and put it back together, knowing the only two pieces missing are you and I as one.