Blog Post 486

Trapped in Time, Thinking About You

I wish I never had thought of you but I did and now the thoughts wont go away making me feel trapped in time asking how I even got in this mess. I thought if I had just deleted the apps and account then things would go back to normal but instead I'm stuck seeing your name written on the walls making me look away asking if you're the one for me for real or it's just my mind playing tricks on me. I haven't felt like this in a while and now that it's happening I feel like everything no longer matters and the things I feel are no longer valid so I go numb and mentally drain every thought of you out of my head hoping I'll snap out of it. But instead I'm on the floor crying my eyes out not knowing the outcome that it'll have on me. I tried so hard to avoid the whole thought of you but seeing you once again brought out all the feelings I once knew making me think back to what we once had knowing I want that with you again so damn bad but the choices we made will never lead us in that direction. So I sit back and just think about it making it worse on myself hoping I'll come to my senses of never seeing you ever again but that thought just makes me wanna cry because god damn you were so damn perfect in my eyes that I wish what we had could have lasted.

I just don't understand how it came down to me crying on the floor while you were out doing you not even realizing the effact you had when you decided to leave me when the door was opened. I thought the feelings were there but I guess it was just my feelings being shown and yours being hidden acting as if it was nothing more than just a vibe. Oh well my mistake for thinking you were different only to see that I was wrong about you after all this time. I tried so hard to find a way back to you only to keep getting sent back home making me feel as if the person I was after was just a ghost and there's no longer any trace of you left to find. I sat in the car thinking of all the ways we could have made it work only to realize maybe that you were right about me just going with flow and letting go when it went flat. I tried so hard to understadn what you meant by that but looks like I'm getting the bigger picture now that you're gone and only thing left of you is your scent in my car making me wonder if was ever truly worth my time and doing. I keep asking myself questions I know the answers to only to lie to myself and tell myself it's not true when it is just to make myself numb to the thought of you.