Blog Post 475

Tell Me More

I heard you wanted me, but we both know that's not true, so tell me what you meant by that. Are you cool? Are you chill? Or are you going crazy knowing that I'll no longer exist to you? Are you okay with what we had being dead to me, or are you trying to reengage our doings so you'd feel whole once again? I could see it in your eyes that the spark you once had died out once you were left alone, knowing my existence was the only thing that could bring your spark back to life. I could tell that my presence was the only thing that was giving you a sense of high, and when I walked out, you stopped feeling it, and for that I'm truly sorry but I told you not to get attached but looks like you forgot about that rule and for that I can't blame you because everyone tends to forget once they see the other side of me. I tried so hard to keep you at arm's reach, but every time we'd lock eyes, the words were nothing more than asking for more, and then you'd end up pulling away as if you had enough. I didn't mean to do you wrong, but at the same time, I couldn't tell the difference between right and wrong when you had eyes of an angel making me lose all knowledge of everything around me.

Sometimes I'd feel like I was on top, but other times I'd feel so low when you'd come around, making me wonder what these feelings really were. I'd let you get close to me only to feel like I was drowning deep in the night, not knowing where to go or how to feel, only flashing lights were to be had, not knowing if this was where it ends or if this was all just a mistake. You gave me scars that still remain from all the pain and damage that was caused, only to realize it was never anyone's fault, just two people at the wrong place, wrong time, sorta doing. So why bother putting the blame on someone when the truth is clear as ice? You had me for the longest time, only to show me a different side of you every time you'd come back to me, making me wonder who you really were. I tried so hard to figure you out, only to come back more confused than before. I thought if I had just kept it cool, then I wouldn't seem like a fool or out of place, but that took a lonely turn, and for that, you showed me how evil and cruel you really were.

You got me riding through the night, asking myself if this was real or not. I felt a shiver up my arm, thinking that this is where it all ends, and for that, I felt lost and let go of the wheel while the voices got louder in the night, making my heart race faster and faster while the haunted thoughts rushed through my brain. I tried so hard to keep it together that the only thing that remained was the thought of you in an empty home. I wanted to find you only to realize I couldn't find someone that no longer existed, so I scoured the web for any trace of you, only to find out you were in a place that had no address. I lost control and let my tears cover the screen, hoping that the answers would soon appear. I let the memories fade away with the lies you had told, only to find the missing truth in the note you left behind on my bed. I opened it only to find out it was all just a dream, making me think back to what had caused the dream to feel so real and true, only to come out empty-handed as gravity pushed me further down to the gates of hell.