Blog Post 473

You Didn't have to Show Up in My Dreams

I know this is just a random topic and post, but fuck it. I just thought it was kind of unusual for me to have you in my dreams when I haven't even thought about you in so long. I'm not sure if that means you were thinking of me at one point and you found your way back to me through a dream, or not, but could you give me a heads up next time you invade my privacy? It felt like I was supposed to reach out and ask about you, but instead, I'm writing about it all because I know the dream isn't actually something that reality wants for me. I just wish I knew what the purpose of it all was. Was that your way of trying to make your presence known to me because we no longer talk or see one another in real life now, or did you just get lost along the way and wanted to see how I was doing through dream walking?

I know this has nothing to do with the real world, but why did you come running back to me, giving me a hug when you chose to walk away and lose touch in the real world? Did you regret your decisions, or were you just making a point on the fact that I should've chased after you? It's all so confusing right now because I don't know if what I did was right or wrong. I know it's just a dream, and they don't mean much, but why was the dream about you, knowing my feelings for you still remain? I hate how real and vivid the dream was. I called you out by your name, and everything just seemed so intense to the point where you asked me to date you, knowing that's not my thing, at least not then. I wish I could call you mine, but my mind and heart no longer care to be around you. You didn't do anything wrong. I just think you only wanted sex, and I wanted something more, and for that, I'm sorry for pinching the idea of us being together as a one, it was my mistake. I didn't read the room correctly.

You were just a college kid, and I was just trying to figure out what I wanted, and ever since we went our separate ways, I finally found myself and what I was missing. So I appreciate you and all the things you did for me but as of right now I have zero plans to make amends or reach out to you and I'm not saying this to make you feel hurt or upset I'm just saying that the pain you made me feel made me shed some tears and for that seeing you again in real life would just bring out those tears again and I'm not trying to cry over someone who chose to give up on me entirly. So I apologize for even seeing you in my dreams. Hopefully, you find what you're looking for while dream walking, but if you come back to me, just know I'm just gonna wake up, and you can find yourself back to your own body and the bed you lay in.