Blog Post 454

Traveling Back Down Memory Lane

Am I wrong for thinking bout how you were everything I needed back then, only to find myself searching for you in the dark with a tank top and a flashlight, hoping that when I find you, we can start back where we left off, knowing the things we have no longer serve us any purpose. I've been looking for you all this time, only to find myself one step closer to you, only to find out it was all a dream when my alarm goes off. I choose to ignore all the signs, hoping that one day my search will end when it comes to you. I keep dreaming about all the things you said and did. I have so much left to say to you, but you keep slipping further away that it's hard to get it out all at once.

I keep asking myself where I went wrong, to you disappearing from the light I shine, only to find out there's no going back on the things we said and did to one another. So I guess I'm doing all of this because it's my bad karma for letting you go way too soon. I thought letting go of you was because the love I had for you was real and true, hoping that it would make you want to stay, but instead it had me out there in a tank top and flashlight searching all night long, only to come out empty-handed.

I just know loving you was one of the easiest things I've ever done in my life. But, somewhere down the line, shit got weird, and things no longer made much sense between us two, so I ended up getting stuck in the middle of it all, not knowing where to go, only to watch you slip further and further out of reach to the point where my existence no longer mattered to you. But somehow, when it came to you, your existence meant everything to me to the point where I was making sure you were taken care of and well protected, and if the money got low, I'd end up sending you more without any questions. I just felt like it was easier watching from afar, knowing that you were safe and happy without me. I just wish you could have seen me when you asked to see me, but somehow I felt like the timing was wrong, and if we had met up, then the memories would haunt me once again. So I kept my distance til the time felt right for me, but you clearly got tired of the waiting game and found another, and I don't blame you, but I wish it was me in that pic instead of him. But it's whatever. I'm no longer needed, so it seems like it's all good. 

I just hope you know that if you ever need to talk or need to see me for any reason, you still have access to that. I'm not going to go out of my way and push you out when you helped me be a better person to those I care about. So I'm choosing to do the right thing with you and letting you come to me whenever you need or want to. I just don't wanna watch you get hurt again from afar and not be there to comfort you, because when I heard about the incident that happened, I had to drop everything and catch a flight your way, only to find out it was only to get my attention. I didn't mind it, though, because seeing you safe and that smile on your face is worth every dollar that I hold. So please don't be scared to give me a call or text when something's on your mind because I'll be there every time.