Blog Post 453

No Longer Doing This Shit

Not sure where I ended up going wrong, but every road I take now leads to dead ends, and I can't help but feel trapped every time I get behind the wheel. I wish you were here next to me, telling me it's going to be alright, and for me to just breathe, but how can I breathe when you're no longer here? It's like everything I've ever known has faded into the void of no return, and no matter how much I try to keep myself together, every tear I've ever held back starts flooding the city streets with your name written on each drop that comes down my face.

I wish I could turn invisible every time I think of you, so others can't see the pain I let out when it comes to you. I wish I could hit rewind sometimes just to see your face again and knowing that what we had was real and true, but now it feels like it was just a lie, and I can't help but hate myself for the shit that happened between us two, knowing it didn't have to end the way that it did. I guess dancing with the devil's wife had its perks, but at what cost when you're still the only one I think about, even though sometimes it feels like you were never real. It's like waking up not knowing what comes next, to the point of no return. So you run from the darkness only to find yourself falling further and further from the truth.

You might find me at the edge of the bridge or off the cliffs, but you'll never be close enough to grab a hold of me after everything that's been said and done, and that's just something I have to live with. I never knew someone like you would watch me end it all when you should be the one to save me from it all, but looks like the devil had other plans for you and me, and unfortunately, I just have to sit back and watch it all play out because who even are you anymore? Your face and body no longer rings a bell to me, but more or less just confusion, as if we've met before, but I'm uncertain of how or where, when it comes to you now, and I'm afraid that there's no way of fixing it.