Blog Post 450

I Don't Wanna Say Goodbye...

I know me texting you just now was probably a bit confusing after everything that's happened between us two, but why does me saying goodbye gotta hurt so bad? I thought I was done hurting myself, but somehow, when it comes to you, that's all I ever feel like is being done to me. I thought I could handle the distance from you, but watching you slowly fade away is breaking my heart into pieces once again. I wish I didn't have to watch you walk out the door, but somehow you do it all too well to the point where I go running after you, hoping that I'll have something to say that'll make you stay. I just know that being apart from you isn't how I want to live my life. I don't wanna keep running from the pain when all you've ever done is heal the broken parts of me. So why would I bother letting all that fade away over a stupid thought I had? I wish I could have told you the thought I had, but then again, what good would that do when it's in the past now? I just wish that thought had never crossed my mind, and maybe then we wouldn't have been in this position.

I guess it's all because of you that nobody else makes me fight for something more than you do. I'm so glad you found something in me that I never knew or saw that I had. You were the only one who could make me believe in love once again after I fully gave up on ever finding it or having it come to me. I know you were scared of approcahing me at first due to my lack of feelings but somewhere down the line you brought all the hidden feelings into the light and now there's a part of me that wants to give you what you desrve even if it means removing myself from the picture because the guy you once helped is now someone you most likely hate to the point of no return so please let me do you one last favor before you change your mind on how you feel towards me. I know it's confusing, but you'll soon see that it was all worth it even though the time we have with each other now will be limited.

But I know somewhere down the line in the next few years, or so we'll cross paths and wonder why it had to end, to the point where we go back to laughing and calling one another like how we used to do all before it ended. I just wish I could understand the things you did for me and why you chose me out of the other 3 guys you had mentioned, knowing I'm not like the others. I felt like I was more of a challenge than something simple and easy. But I guess you wanted to take on the challenge in the same way you were waiting all that time for me to get close to you. I don't know, maybe you and I could have been more somewhere down the line, but I just couldn't get past the thought of hurting you, so I kept you at arm's reach. But knowing what I know now, that was wrong of me to do. I guess you were always meant to be closer to me than where I had you.