Blog Post 446

I Still Breathe Regardless of Whether You're Here or Not!

I know me trying to move on from my past and the people that I once knew has put me through pain I never imagined, and honestly, I have a feeling it was all worth it! I can’t describe the feeling, but for some reason, I have zero regrets about doing it all! I guess my existence was never really meant for others, and I can see that now! I can tell that removing myself from others was the best decision I ever made! I held on to the ones that asked where I was going and if they could tag along, but everyone else just faded into the void of no return, and I’m totally okay with that! I thought I’d have to beg and plead with others to let me go, but it turns out it never came to that, and I’m grateful for it! It showed me that most of the people around me were just simply a waste of time and space altogether! So why do I have to go out of my way and waste my time trying to hold on to someone who doesn’t make an effort to stay? Makes no sense to me! 

I get that people come and go, but for someone who’s been there from the beginning to start acting as if what we have doesn’t mean anything makes me feel like the time has come to remove myself from them! I don’t need to be next to someone who’s clearly showing signs of discomfort! I don’t have a problem with removing myself from people’s lives; it’s just that I have a problem with people coming at me, arguing, and asking me why I did it when it was pretty clear as to why! You weren’t matching energy with the energy I was putting out, so I backed away and forgot about you! Don’t be mad at me for leaving out of the blue when you clearly seemed to want it to happen! So by all means call me crazy, but I don’t think me staying was what you wanted! You only kept me around just to use me in a sense of pleasure or some sort of need, and my services are no longer available to you or anyone of your kind, so please find something better to do with yourself rather than playing victim and going off on me because I’ve already dissociated myself from the thought of you and your doings!

I know I’ll probably have days where I’ll be reminded of everything that went on between us two, but that doesn’t mean I’ll go out and reach out asking about you! I’ll think about it for a day or two and keep it pushing! I’m not in any sort of position to go out of my way and make amends with people who are no good for my mental health or well-being! It’s simply just a one-time shot of getting it right, and if you fuck it up, then oh well!! Call an Uber and deliver yourself to somebody else! I have zero time for this back-and-forth hooting and hollering shit! Just pack your shit and leave! Don’t bother finding a way back to me because from that point on, I’ll never see you the same again! Just gotta leave you and the things we had in the past and not worry bout the things we planned! It’s almost as if your existence never existed, and with that, why would I have to reach out to someone I don’t know?! Kind of seems pointless, ya know!! Honestly if I were you I’d go make a new set of friends and dig yourself a hole so you and the rest of them can discuss the wrong doings of your life and actions and maybe then you can understand why I did the things I did to make you see the other side of me of which you hated and couldn’t bother taking the time to understand where I was coming from!

If only you didn’t focus on the things you wanted me to be, and instead put your focus on the person I was then, you would have seen that I’m not the type of guy they told you that I was! Everybody has their opinions on me and the things I do but behind closed doors that mask comes off and the true me that I hide so well is shown and there’s a different side of me nobody truly knows of and I plan to keep it that way until I find the right person who understands the meaning of my doings and doesn’t make it a big deal or care to ask why! I haven’t really cared to search for that person right now, but in the past, there was definitely a time when I could be myself with the ones I loved. However, since then, I have yet to find a reason to do that again. I’d rather just keep myself hidden and act as if I’m okay in the public eye when in reality I have so much more to show and prove of myself than what I’ve been restricted to showing and doing!