Blog Post 420

Mirrors Tend to Shatter Like a Beating Heart

I bet you thought getting close to me would be heaven on earth, but instead it turned out to be a living hell for you. I never gave you permission to be close to me, and the way you go around thinking that being next to me is some sort of prize is wild. I only let you get next to me so I could learn everything there was to you and break you from the inside out. I let you do as you pleased, only to play mind games, making you think I was into you when, in reality, I was replicating a feeling that you had for me. I understood it once it started clicking to me why you chose to get so close to me. You wanted to learn from me and how I could be so cold yet so attached at the same time, and to be honest, I don't have an answer for you. Maybe it's from my past trauma or some shit. But whatever it is, you're lucky I limited myself to my actions.

I just know the love you thought I was going to show you was going to be from the heart, but instead it was the depths of hell. I could tell you were only looking for a high, and that high became a little too much for me to handle, and the price it held, I could never afford. It was way too risky, and I know if there's no risk, then there's no reward after it's all done, but the only reward from you was a casket and a hole. No offense, but I'm not killing myself in the process of trying to love someone who was only looking for a high. You might have had the looks and charm, but the look in your eyes was the look I used to have when the demons started taking over, and after I saw that, I knew I had to let you go. I wasn't trying to make a scene or cause you to go off I just wanted you to go back to not knowing me.

I tried to get away and change my routines so I wouldn't run into you, but the universe kept lining me up in your line of sight, and no matter how much I tried to duck and weave, you were always right there asking how I've been. You don't deserve to know me or how I've been. You lost that right after you did your lines of coke, trying to convince me you were good. You brought the hate and suffering on yourself by yourself. Even your friends hate you for the shit you did to me, and I don't even talk to them. You really pissed off the wrong guy with that event.

So I'm not sure why you're still reaching out to me when you went off on me not too long ago how I'm this and that and you'd never come crawling back to me but yet here we are 4 months later to me seeing an unknown number texting me this and that and how you've been reading my shit when it's got nothing to do with you. You accused me of shit that was never even about you until now. You should've just stayed silent and touched some fucking grass because now I've gotta go through all the shit you did and let that shit be known. Like, what the fuck were you even doing with my number still? You think I'd let you talk to me after the shit you made me watch and go through? Please get the fuck out of my life before I call someone to take you out!