Blog Post 404

This City Feels Empty When You're Gone

I know you don’t give a fuck but there’s so much distance between us two that it feels like nothing that I do will ever change the way you look at me! I feel so alone that sometimes I wish I could call you up and hear your voice on the other end, but instead it’s just dial tone with no way through! I drive down memory lane thinking back on all the good times that we had, only to stop myself from thinking bout all the wrongs that caused us to feel so empty towards each other! I tried my best to remind myself of how things should’ve been, but in the end, you just proved your point on why we will never work even though you’re the only one who’s ever on my mind, and as much as I wanna ask for forgiveness from you it’ll never happen! I’m just hoping that you’ll realize how much I need you next to me! But for now, I’ll continue to remind you of how much you mean to me, only to constantly get shut out because you can’t face the fact that I'm into you! 

I just find it hard to believe in the things you say when your actions are just the same as mine when it comes to someone they care about! So why are you going out of your way to treat me like I don’t matter when the things you do for me clearly say otherwise! There’s no way you drove that many miles on an empty tank just to make sure I was still alive when I buried myself in a hole I couldn’t get out of! You would’ve just let me die if you didn’t care about me, but instead you showed up and talked me through it when I had nobody to talk to! You claimed you wanted me gone but yet every time I lost the battle within myself, you’re right there next to me, pulling me back up, telling me to keep holding on! So how the fuck you gonna go out of your way and push me to the side as if you don’t care about me or my doings? You’re worried bout my well being so drop the fucking act and just admit I mean something to you! 

You’re the only one who gets me for me, even on my worst days when I’m not in the mood to talk or acknowledge anything or anyone around me! You’re the only thing that’s keeping me from truly being 6ft under, and I can’t help but think to myself what you’d do when you find out that I lost the battle within myself without you coming to save me from the darkness that I fell into! It’s not fair that you’re constantly having to save me when I just wanna cry my eyes out from all the pain I caused you for being the way that I am! I wish letting go of you could have been as easy as 1,2,3, but instead it feels like hell looking for a reason to let go completely! I feel so alone when I’m not next to you so I speed down the highway thinking that the city lights will guid me to you only to find myself wasting my time looking for someone who doesn’t exist anymore and it’s my only reason for wanting to constantly meet my maker so I can live a life knowing I’m not causing you harm or pain anymore!