Blog Post 401

It Goes Like This

I've come to terms with my life always being on the go, and I just have to accept it for the sake of my own well-being. I keep myself pretty content and out the way of others and just focus on the things that matter and as of recently I went ahead and removed someone who was holding me back from me living my life to the fullest and so far everything been so much clearer to me now that they're gone and the rest of the people that were just like them. It's like a block of weight has been removed from my shoulders, and I can finally be free to move as I please. Being something I wasn't for someone else's approval for the past 6 years really took a toll on me, and I'm finally realizing that my actions were basically because of them, and now that they're gone I can finally see why everyone wants to be around me and constantly asking to hang out. I guess I really am a people person but never really saw that for myself because I had someone breathing down my neck constantly telling me I'm never going to be good enough for this or that and that's my reasons for never really letting people inside my life or opening up to them as I should have.

But overall I'm mad at myself for not doing it sooner but at the time being I had no point in trying to find myself and trying to figure out who I'd be without them until earlier this week when I was out of town and primarily just trying to mind business and learning to detatch from my past trauma and the only person that kept coming up was him so I figured I'd go ahead and remove them from my doings and life in general and so far I've never felt more free. I've got things on my mind that should be erased, but I'm still in the process of trying to figure it all out and what I should be doing now that they're gone. I was literally in the mist of talking to someone new and so far it's been going pretty well but when they kept asking me to do things that I'm no longer part of it really triggered the anger in me because why the fuck are you trying to get me to do something with you knowing you're no longer an interest of mine and after me telling you that I'm done with you and those doings you still wanted to push your self into my life thinking I'd cave in and let you have your way.

It's mind-boggling to me that you think I'm still willing to go out of my way just to see you for a minute or two, knowing that those few minutes of being with you, I instantly regret because nothing good ever comes from me being with you. You're always out to get something when I just needed you to listen to me but instead you make it all about you and it was so annoying trying to even speak knowing I'd get shut out and you'd go twist the story all around to whatever way you needed to make yourself not be seen as the bad guy. I told my friends that you needed to go and they asked if they needed to go handle it or if I got it and I sat back in silence and just said I got it knowing damn well it would have been easier if they had just taken care of it. But for some reason, I laid back and said nah, it's fine because knowing how active my friends get, it would have been a blood bath, and I'm not trying to clean up anyone's blood as of right now

You're my only problem as of right now and it would have been pointless to get my friends involved knowing all I had to do was just let you know that I'm no longer wanting to be around you or your doings so if you'd be a man and just accept that, that would be great but instead you had to make it a big deal as you do with everything else and that's exactly why I didn't bother explaining my reasons for it. I just deleted all traces of you and turned my phone off. Hopefully my friends don't come my way saying you're plotting some dumb shit against me because the whole point of me doing that was so we'd never see one another ever again and I can move on from whatever life you wanted me to live (which we both knew it wasn't the life I wanted) so with that being said I hope you watching from the side lines makes you see I never needed you to be in my life to begin with.