Blog Post 398

Kind of Wish I Never Met You

I’m trying my best to keep my composure, but something bout you makes me want to cry, but then I ask myself why cry when the damage has already been done and I’ve moved on from it!! You keep finding ways to pull me back into the deep end just to watch me drown over and over and I’m sick of all this fake shit! You claim to be the good guy but you went behind my back and fucked your ex and all the other shit thinking  I wouldn’t find out when your ex sent me all the proof I needed to go off on you and remove you from my life! But yet you still find yourself texting me thinking shit is sweet and nice when in reality your text makes me wanna vomit!

I do my best to avoid your doings and from reaching out to you, but when I see your number in my phone, it reminds me of so much pain that I feel bad for ever letting you get close to me! I never meant to be the bad guy in your eyes. Still, the moment you let me drown was where I knew you needed to go because it was only going to get worse from there on out, and I wasn’t trying to drown myself in sorrow over someone who only wanted me so they could have some control over me! The feeling of being controlled by someone like you was a feeling I told myself I’d never put myself through! I watched myself go in and out of zones that made others worry for my well-being when I thought everything was fine and well, when in reality, I was still drowning in the toxic thoughts you made me think were true! 

I didn’t wanna be the guy to drag shit out and make it seem like I wanted shit to work between us two when the thought of you still haunts me to this day! Knowing shit ended how it did tells me everything I need to know about where we stand! You reaching out is a clear sign you still think you have some sort of control over me when you don’t even know me! I had to lie to myself to make shit work between the two of us and ended up being someone completely different so my anger wouldn’t come in the mix between us two! I made you question who I was and what my intentions were when I knew exactly who I was and what my intentions were and what I wanted from you! I wanted you to suffer the same way you made me suffer, just in a different way! I wanted you to feel hatred towards yourself, knowing my existence bothers you so much that you have to constantly reach out apologizing for your wrongs, knowing I’m perfectly healed and moved on from you and your toxic doings!

I don’t know, I feel like my get back / karma got the best of you, and I know you can’t stand that I won in the end when you had clear intentions of watching me drown from the beginning! But you had know idea what I’ve been through and what my motives all intel and that’s where you fucked up! I knew the shit you were doing was going to lead to a toxic love and I just sat back and watched it all unfold because I was curious as to how far someone like you was willing to go and boy did you go all the way until there was nothing left! It was quite a scene watching you go through all the fights and screams just to feel empty on the inside and confused at the end of it all, while I sat back with a smile and waved goodbye!