Blog Post 137

This is the End

I no longer feel the need to hide my feelings when it's clear I still have some left from us being together. I guess it's true I need someone to be with me but only if they're the right one for me and I thought you were considering we never once fought or had any problems other than towards the end. I just don't understand how it was so easy being with you but now that I'm no longer talking to you or thinking of you it's harder than ever to see things through. I don't know if it's just me holding on to something still or if it's just the process of knowing I'm letting go. I'm waiting for the worst parts to be erased first and the best parts for last. I really don't know why I'm like this. I just really wish things could've ended in a different way but it's too late for that.

I really am the type to move on quickly but being with you and everything we talked about and did together it's hard to just let it all fade away it seems. I can't tell if you were the one or if I'm still trying to process all of these emotions and sort everything out by not really thinking about it too much. It looks like I'll just let time pass by and watch it all be over when the time is near. I wish I knew what I was doing because every time I try and forget about you something always pops up. I'll think about me moving on and starting new with someone else but then the next thing I know I'll think about all of the text I sent to you even though I no longer have any of them on my phone. I remember the 10hr 2min facetime call that we had that night and just a lot of other things that I can't seem to let go of but wish I could. I just keep thinking about all the little things we talked about even though you made it unimportant. But to me it was important such as your personal life and mine and everything else in that area I still remember us talking about it as if it was just yesterday.

I don't know why I keep remembering small details such as those but I think it's because I cared a lot about you and wanted to be the best for you so I read word for word and was trying to understand what you were texting/saying even though at some points I'd ask why. I just wanted to be someone that you could trust and rely on and not have it seem like you were alone or wasting your time on someone who didn't care when I really did care for you. But I know these posts I keep publishing will never take back what we said to one another or change what happened but it's just my way of letting you know that I'm doing okay and I'm totally fine with you being you and doing what you had to do to move on. I just don't want you to blame yourself anymore. So please if you want me to know you're doing okay just do somethings for me. I want you to accept the fact that you're awesome no matter what and find someone new who can keep your mind clear and be happy with for as long as you need.