Blog Post 136

Farewell

You showed me reasons why I should love but also showed me reasons I shouldn't and I thank you for that. You helped me learn along the way about things I should say and shouldn't say. You helped me get through a lot of things these past few weeks and for that I thank you. I just wish it didn't have to end so soon but I guess it just wasn't meant to be and I've learned to accept that. I just really hope you're doing great and living your best life with someone else. I don't have anything left to say other than to wish you the best of luck, knowing we both need to just move on and stop thinking about one another.

I know I said things that hurt you, even though I was just trying to see where your head was at with everything, and for that, I apologize. I know there could've been a different way but I just got caught up in thinking that things could never be the same now and it would just be easier if I ended things but now I see how much it hurts someone from seeing and talking to someone all day and night to not seeing and talking to them at all and hurts like hell. It just kills me knowing what we had can never be the same and I don't know why I keep having thoughts of holding on when I know it's way too late to be holding on to someone/something that once existed in my life.

I just don't want you to think I don't care about you I just have to come to terms with the fact that you'll never have anything to with me so I'm slowly erasing my feelings that I have for you and letting the memories of us being together and everything we ever did together just slowly fade away as time continues to go by. I just can't live a life thinking about someone so amazing as you and knowing I'll never be with you or have any kind of contact with you which really sucks for me because I really enjoyed being able to talk to about anything and everything and just being with you because it made me really happy knowing I could talk to you about anything even when I didn't want to talk about it.

I know there's never going to be someone who can replace you or come close to being in that category because I don't want/not looking for a replacement for you I just want someone in my life who can make me happy and forget about my past like you did. I'll love them and tell them how I feel like I did with you but also make new memories knowing I moved on from you even though I have a lot to thank you for. I just hope you know me moving on isn't my way of saying fuck you or anything bad/negative it's just my way of saying I need to move on and just simply live without being held down to the memories I once had with people from my past. 

Sorry for moving on so quickly I just really hate thinking about someone that I can never talk with anymore. I don't regret loving you I only regret not giving you a hug after you asked for one and closing the door behind me knowing that was the end of us. That's my only regret and I hope you know I felt so much pain that I thought I broke you and that's why I thought by me ending things you could move on without thinking about it too much. It just felt like the right thing to do at that moment for me but I can see it was the worst decision I ever made in my life. I had so many thoughts of us being friends like you said but I did so much thinking about how we could still be friends after I walked away and closed the door behind me and I just didn't see it working out. I thought hard knowing you'd always remember me as another person who walked out when I didn't want to and I just feel so guilty knowing that's all I'll never be to you now and it kills me knowing that.