Blog Post 135

Did You Really Mean It

Did you really not have feelings for me or was it so you could go be with someone else? Considering you're no longer in the same town by the looks of it. It's clear to me you were just wasting your time with me. It kind of all makes sense now. Being distant during certain times and saying things that made me walk away knowing that's not what I wanted. So yeah it makes sense now. I just don't understand why you didn't tell me you were already talking to someone else. I would've never told you I had feelings for you. I would've just let you do you without me having to think about you and what you were up to.

But like you said you're messed up and I can see why. You're not being truthful to yourself or the people you get close to it seems. But I'm no longer with you/talking to you so I can't worry about that anymore considering that's your problem now. I wish I could help you but you pushed me away and I tried to make things right but you just kept blocking me out so I stopped and moved on. I really don't know why you couldn't just let me say what I had to say and be done with it and have you go about your life knowing that I wasn't mad at you. I feel like you still think I'm mad at you when I'm actually in a much better state of mind now that I know what you're really like.

I just have a lot of thoughts such as asking myself if everything you texted was a lie or was it to make yourself feel better? Were the words coming out of your mouth all a lie or was it what you needed to say so I'd like you? Did the things we do mean anything to you or was it so you could get your ex off your mind for a while? Thoughts like these have me so confused and it just makes it harder for me to reach out to you because I feel like everything was just all a lie and for your amusement.

So now that you know that/this I'm no longer someone you need to think about and I can just be another Ceasar to for you because you know things can never be the same now like you said and also something else you said that was hella fucked up was HAVE A NICE LIFE! Don't ever bother thinking about me considering you pushed me away so you thinking you have the right to do that is HELLA DUMB!

I told you I move on and forget about people that did me wrong hella quickly. I may try and make things right the next day but that's only because I don't want to lose them but with you, it was clear you wanted me to lose you/no longer wanted me in your life so there you have it I walked away like you wanted me to/had planned all along it seemed. So now you can just add me to the list of "PEOPLE WHO I PUSHED OUT OF MY LIFE!' Because there's no turning back after everything we both said and did to one another. I just really hope you can find a way to be with someone you like and not tell them you can't commit to anything serious because you're still caught up on an ex of yours.

You'll never find or be with anyone if you continue doing that because trust me I really wanted to be with you but like you said you still have thoughts about your ex and that's just hella awkward for me after everything we did. So it's best if we move on and forget about one another. It might be hard for you or it might not be but just know I have no problems forgetting about you but I'll always have memories of you. I just see you as a ghost now who's memories live with me but will soon fade away.