Blog Post 134

Walk Away

So it turns out I fucking suck at dating/being with someone and I know my recent said it was them not me but I feel like in a way they were just saying that so they wouldn't hurt me. But I understood everything that they were saying even though I feel like that person didn't think I did. I really liked this person and gave all my time into them and even then things didn't work out. I guess I really am just fucked up when it comes to relationships/dating someone no matter what the situation is. I don't know why my life has to be so fucking complicated when it comes to being intimate with someone. I just hate how things ended up at the end. I ended up blocking them and forgetting all about us and the things we did together. Fuck why is being with someone you like so easy but when breaking things off/cutting ties it hurts like hell?

I'm so annoyed at myself for thinking things could work/last knowing it could end at any moment. I just don't even know why I continue to bother with people knowing they'll fuck me over, use me as they see fit and have me suffer trying to figure out where things went wrong. Please don't get me wrong I really liked this person and they were the first I actually went on a few dates with which was fun but at the end of the night, it was always just more questions that led to this fallout with one another. I told them I'd never leave but look at us now. You pushed me away and I tried to stay/hold on but now I really left and you're now back to the beginning. I really fucked up late last night trying to text you thinking things could last but it's clear they won't and that's my fault for doing that. 

I can't believe I actually had someone like you for as long as I did knowing that this probably wasn't going to last for more than a few days but it did somehow and I'm just trying to figure out how it lasted for almost 3 weeks but didn't continue to last. I just wish the timing would've been different I guess. I don't want you to think there was something wrong with you or your appearance considering all the things we said and did with one another I just wish things like our past didn't have to come in between what we had/were trying to build.

I just want you to know if you ever find this and read this that you were legit the first person I ever did all those things with and I had an amazing time and I just really wish it could've lasted. But I now see that we will never have anything to do with one another which sucks but its life and life is shitty as fuck in my opinion but it's just what we as humans have to go through. I just really loved you and even though your feelings weren't the same as mine I just want you to know I don't regret meeting you or doing any of the things we did considering everything was awesome and fun. So there's really no need for me to hate you or think of you in a bad way I just don't see us making contact ever again.

So like I said it's best if I just do my usual when I'm in a situation like this by just walking away and forgetting about the fact that you even exist/existed and everything we did we didn't actually do and the past should just stay in the past and move on from all of this. I really hope you find someone who actually fits your style/life and can be there for you when you need them. I hope the best for you and hope whatever it is you're going through with your past ex/me you can get over it and live a happy life without feeling like it's your fault even though you put all the blame on yourself which isn't healthy.