Blog Post 131

My Mistake

It was my mistake for trying to make things right with you, and for that I apologize. I just thought if you knew how sorry I was, you'd ease up on your pain, but clearly, that didn't work for you. So I'm done talking with you/about you. Don't you dare ever say I didn't try to make things right, because I tried numerous times, but you kept denying each one. So save your bullshit for someone who's down to listen, because I won't be sticking around anymore to acknowledge your existence.

I've moved on from this chapter in my life, and now I'm on to the next. I told everyone that I was close to and trusted my experience with you, so don't be surprised if you get looked at in certain areas around town, especially at the mall, because people know about you now. I don't need to feel sorry for you or feel anything in general when it comes to you. You're my past, so just stay there. Don't try and hop into my present or even attempt to be in my future, or I will press charges for harassment, and for some other shit you did that I can't talk about. I just don't care to bother with you anymore. I'm done thinking about you, considering all you bring/brought into my life was pain anyway. So just stay in school and hope you don't get fucked over. But yeah, I'm done with you and moving on with someone else who actually knows how to treat me right.

I'm no longer in the mood to acknowledge your existence, considering your existence brought hella pain into my life with so much confusion and annoyance all at once, and I can never forgive you for making me feel all of that. But I will forget about you. Maybe not right now or tomorrow, but don't worry, you will be forgotten. Plus, who the fuck told you to make me feel all of those things, considering I only like dealing with anger and peace? So you basically made me feel everything I was avoiding my whole life, and for what? I've avoided so many feelings for so long for so many reasons, and for you to come into my life like you did and have me unleash those feelings on me as if I knew how to control them is so fucked up. You're a damn fool thinking you can play with someone's emotions when a person chooses not to feel anything in the first place, especially for me when it comes to heartbreaks, sadness, or love.

You should've just left me the fuck alone, and none of this shit would've ever happened. I don't understand why you thought you could change me, all because I didn't know how to feel certain things. I just don't like showing people I don't know/just met how I feel. I've always been scared to show my feelings because every time I did, I'd always end up getting hurt or just being taken advantage of. I wish I had never shown you the real me. It's like you took away all my feelings and burned them into ashes, and it hurts like hell for me.

I have no idea why you even wanted to be with me in the first place, other than to just have sex. I thought you really cared, but I was wrong, and I wish you'd understand that I don't take this as a joke. No, you really fucked up my emotions that I choose to no longer feel anything anymore. I have it so bad right now that I'm not even sure what I'm going to be like when I get back into dating. It's going to be so confusing for me because of what you did to me. I wished so many bad things upon you, but I wouldn't want any of those things to happen to anyone I care about, so it's not even worth explaining what I wished upon you because I'm not that type of person. I thought I was, but I'm not. So there's no point in wishing anything bad upon you, considering I already got everything I needed from you.

I'm just really upset that you made me show the real me and broke me from the inside out, and for what? Just to see how I'd react or some shit? Well, you're seeing me react. I exposed your ass and leaked some information like you did with me. So don't get too excited because, believe me, I plan on doing it again if I need to. But in the meantime, I'm just going to enjoy my life while I still can before I end up doing something else I regret. So continue with your bullshit while you still can because believe me, when you find out you have that STD/HIV/AIDS shit, I'm going to bust out laughing and say told you so. So please leave me the fuck alone until that shit catches up with you because I'm not trying to hear/read another word from your dumbass.